Unclear

I've been slightly hesitant to post anything this morning because the path we are on right now is unclear. Our doctor came in earlier and checked to see where we are... Just like they said yesterday, definitely more progressed than this past Wednesday when I was in the office. During the day today I am supposed to closely mimic what I would be doing at home (yes, that is slightly difficult because although I have been on bedrest at home with a nanny helping us out, I don't have a 3-year-old at my feet here in the hospital). Our doctor will be back to check me sometime this late afternoon and from there we will make a decision.

Right now I am off the monitors because Faith Clare's heartrate has been excellent and without any problems. I have also been having contractions, but that is normal for me... they are just a little stronger than they have been before.

Now... what to do. Due to the "issues" (mostly bleeding) Dr. M is still concerned because we haven't ever been able to definitively determine where it is coming from; if it is cervical or placental. At this moment it seems pretty unclear what road to take and so the doctor is waiting until the afternoon to see if something sways her one way or the other. On one hand, Faith Clare is still a little smaller than we would prefer and things such as a possible NICU visit and nursing could be concerns that we will have to address if we deliver in the next few days. On the other hand, because we are unsure where the bleeding is coming from, the concern is that it could be placental which would then put Faith in danger if the bleeding suddenly became significant (possibly indicating placental abrupture). We also have to consider that she is at a pretty good weight for this gestation and we know now that she is alive, healthy and would likely not incur any long-term or short-term problems this far into the pregnancy. We are simply praying for clear direction at this point... to know what God's will is... for us to stay at the hospital for a while longer until she is ready, for me to be able to go home for a few more weeks, or for us to go ahead and begin planning for a delivery.

It's all so unclear...

Please pray- "...that too God will make clear to you."- Philippians 3:15

Comments

Jill said…
Praying that the Lord will make it clear to you and your docs what is best for little Faith and her current situation. Also for peace for Mommy and Daddy.
our family said…
Kenzie-
Praying for the bleeding to stop and that it is not coming from the placenta. Praying that Faith stays healthy and that God gives the doctors and you and Dusty wisdom in making the best choices for Faith's health.
Hugs and Prayers
Rachel in PA
karina said…
Kenzie,
Things are very uncertain for you now. So, you are in my prayers. I don't want to give you unsolicited advice, but just to say that I went down a similar road 10 years ago with my twins. They we 34.5 weeks gestation and it came to the point where being in me was more risky that being born. Tadd & Tim spent 21 and 25 days, respectively, in the NICU which, while difficult, was the best thing for them.

I pray for your doctors to be wise in their advice to you, and for God to show you clearly the best road to take for a safe, healthy delivery of your precious Faith.
Anonymous said…
Kinzie,

I spoke to your Mom & Dad this morning... I've been lifting you and Faith up to the Lord and to our Lady of Trust.

God Bless you,
Aunt Laura
Michelle said…
Praying for you Kenzie!
The Tranas said…
I found your blog several weeks ago through CF Husband. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. I, too, was on bedrest for many weeks (13+) when I was pregnant with my twins. It's never an easy time, especially when you have another little one at home (my oldest daughter wasn't quite 2 yet). Whatever happens, you can be successful with breastfeeding, even if Faith has an NICU stay. You just have to be committed to it. It works better if you refuse to use bottles and do tube feedings (gavage) if you can't be there to nurse. Unfortunately, I was unable to breastfeed either one of the twins (one due to long gap esophageal atresia, and the other because she never caught on to nursing). I mourned that missed experience for a long time, until I finally made peace with it, through God's help. LLL can also be a wonderful resource, if it comes down to that.

Hugs & prayers!
Elaine said…
Praying for peace and a clear answer as what to do to come....
Judy said…
I'm praying right now that God will give very clear discernment to your doctor, that Faith will continue to thrive and her little body will be prepared for birth whenever that happens, that you will have peace in your heart and that the bleeding will stop, that Deacon will be happy and busy while you're away and that Dusty will continue to be able to balance it all with joy in his heart! What a joyful day it will be when you can finally hold baby Faith in your arms! All of this will be SO worth it! Thanks for updating us, even when you don't really know what to update! Praying & praying some more!
Jaclyn said…
Kenzie, i was outside pushing miss Grace on the swing this morning praying for you and your sweet baby Faith Claire. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us updated!!!
AJU5's Mom said…
I will be praying for you!
My daughter was only 4 days early, but she did spend a full week in the NICU/Special Care Nursery. I didn't try to breastfeed here until she was about 60 hours old (she was bottle fed even before I got to hold her for the first time!). By 2 months old she was refusing a bottle! So, it is possible to bottle feed in the beginning and then get them to where they hate the bottle!
buhtafly said…
sending prayers of clarity and guidance to make the best decisions by you both and your doctors. Has Faith had steroid shots for lung development yet?

you all are in my prayers
mrsrubly said…
well at least there's couple of positive things going on. i hope the outcome is the very best for you and faith. like the PP sending prayers for guidence in these unknown moments for everyone! good luck kenzie! i have refreshed your page a dozen of times today! looking forward to readign the next update sweetie. hang in there!
Laurie said…
Praying hard for you Kenzie, trusting God to make His plan clear to you and the doctors here. He knows where the bleeding is coming from and I am asking Him to touch that area with His hands. Praying also for peace for you and Dusty and Deacon during this time. You are loved so much by me.!!

Love and Prayers, Laurie in Ca.
Suzie said…
Praying for you and Baby Faith.
bri said…
I am here praying for your family. I hate the hospital stays. My heart is heavily burdened to pray for clear direction for the dr's. I have lost our 3 children due to unclear judgment (at least 2 of those times). My heart is swaying in one direction of course because I want to see little Faith Clare in the clear. But God know's best what needs be done at this point in all of your lives.

Father I pray that you would indeed protect them from the scheme of the enemy and that a hedge of protection would surround them all where they are. I ask also Father that you would bring clear wisdom to the attending dr's. Lord please allow little Faith Clare to be well developed and a strong fighter that she would indeed survive an early birth if that is what comes with no complications.

In Jesus' name I pray AMEN!
the*4*of*us said…
praying for a super healthy baby girl, no matter what path God leads you and your drs on!
Emily said…
Praying for you!!
Staci said…
Hi there,

I have followed your blog for awhile. Not sure if I have commented before. Anyway, I wanted you know I am thinking of you and your baby girl. My daughter was born at 35w4d due to placental abruption. It was a major abruption and I was home when it happened. I had also been on bedrest due to complete placenta previa and had gotten the steroid shots around 28 weeks. I woke up at home with the bleed at 5am. She was born by emergency c-section at 7:33am. She was perfect! She went to the NICU for about an hour just for observation but never required any intervention and was brought to my room when she was less than 90 minutes old. She went home with me 2 days later. Yep, 2 days after an emergency c-section!

I am now 33w1d with baby girl #2. So, I am right behind you and praying for you from afar!

Staci
Darlene said…
As I read your words: "We are simply praying for clear direction at this point... to know what God's will is... for us to stay at the hospital for a while longer until she is ready, for me to be able to go home for a few more weeks, or for us to go ahead and begin planning for a delivery.

It's all so unclear...

Please pray- "...that too God will make clear to you."- Philippians 3:15"


I just keep thinking, as I read your post, that you have chosen the name Faith Clare... faith in the light... or faith clearly.

So many things seem unclear to you. But your Faith is not murky. It is not unclear.

In the Old Testament, God somehow brought to fruition the blessed Namesakes that the Israelites gave to their children. (For just one example, Hannah means favor, and in her lifetime God showed her specific favor). My son Caleb was blessed with this verse on the day he was born, "But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit, and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it."-Numbers 14:24

Kenzie, it amazes me, even at age 3, how true Caleb's namesake and blessing have become. God is so amazing, perfect and mysterious. He was knitting Caleb into this Caleblike-person long before I had any clue what his name would be.

Faith Clare. Faith Clearly.

I pray that clarity will come.For some reason, I think this is just the beginning of the times of clarity Faith will bring to you.

May the Lord speak very clearly to you in this time of uncertainty. I just prayed for you and your family.

Darlene
Just Me said…
Praying for you, for Faith Clare, for your family, for clarity.

Amanda
connie said…
Kenzie, I can't help feeling, as I read this post, how much you have learned about simply waiting on God. You have chosen doctors you trust, and have asked for them to have wisdom. You are not trying to call the shots. You know that you simply do not know, and cannot know what God plans to do. And so you wait.

I just want to say that I am enjoying being witness to your great trust. Even when you acknowledge it's frustrating being on bedrest, being in the hospital AGAIN. You know and will never be able to forget that your God never loses sight of His own. I know Faith is safe. I know you are.

love and lots of prayers for the wisdom your doctors need and the protection and growth you and Faith need,
connie
Sarah Partain said…
What an amazing journey you have been on. I have been following your blog particularly because my son was born at 30 weeks and 5 days, over two years ago. He is thriving and healthy, praise God!
I just wanted to encourage you about your unclear path. While it would be best for your precious daughter to grow as much as possible in the womb, I feel confident in saying (and probably echoing many of the Docs' words) that she will probably also do well if born soon.
Our son was born early due to the placenta starting to detach. We had no warning and no way to give any medications to help his lungs, etc. But he is doing well. He nursed until he was 21 months--something I worked closely with the Occ Therapists to achieve.
We are praying for you--God will give you peace whatever the outcome.
Vanessa said…
Praying the Lord guides the doctor and gives more conclusive things to go on!!
Jennifer said…
I'll be praying for you and your precious little one and for the Doctors to have wisdom in this situation. God Bless!!!
Jennifer said…
I'll be praying for you and your precious little one and for the Doctors to have wisdom in this situation. God Bless!!!
Devon Rene said…
My daughter was born at 29 weeks and while a long NICU stay, she is perfectly healthy today! And while a few weeks would absolutely be better, your little Faith would be just fine if born now.

And I know lots of moms whose babies were born preterm who have gone on to successful breastfeed.

Wishing you all the best and for as safe arrival for Faith Claire, when she comes!

Hang in there!
Meredith said…
Praying for you, your sweet Faith and your family!
Rebecca said…
Still praying...
Christa Mc said…
hey mama.. you know we're praying for you and baby faith clare...
love y'all and know that God has his hand right on your cute belly.
Hugs,
Christa
Jen in Al said…
Kenzie, praying right now for God to show you CLEARLY what His plan is! I absolutely love what Darlene shared about her son's and your sweet Faith Clare's names! simply amazing! the song Great is Thy Faithfulness:) has been playing in my head all day so i will post a youtube video i love of it. i hope it ministers to your heart...praying,,,jen in al http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKobwZG3sK0
Les said…
Praying for you and that they can find the cause of the bleeding. Trusting that God will direct the path and give the doctors a path; and that you listen to your "motherly instinct"... after prayer; sometimes that is so right!
Karen said…
Just know that you and everyone involved is being prayed for (you, Faith, medical staff, Deacon, Dusty, and everyone else!)

I love you sweet friend.

Trusting Him,
Karen
Hey Kenzie,
It's Monday night and I haven't been on the computer for a few days, just finding out you are in the hospital. I am so happy to hear of Faith's weight - that sounds really good. I will be praying for the specifics you have asked for. It sounds like your Doctors are awesome and I know the hand of God is on you and sweet Faith and things will be just fine. I love you friend and will be praying for you and thinking of you constantly. I know it's been a long haul and I will be glad to hear when you are holding your sweet girl!
Love you,
Kim
AmandaHoyt said…
We're praying for wisdom on what to do next and for peace and rest. The Lord has you in his hands and will protect baby Faith.
Hugs and prayers,
Amanda
Katie said…
Praying for you, Kenzie, here in NC!!
Mrs. H said…
Praying for God's wisdom to both your family and your doctors on the best thing for you and Faith's health.
Praying for His peace, and your ability to rest in Him as He continues to carry you down this road called life.
Susan said…
Oh Kenzie,

I'm praying for widsom on the doctor's part and divine protection of your precious daughter.

Peace for your sweet heart as well.

Standing with you,

Susan
Tracy said…
I have been following your story for some time. My little guy spent 10 days in the NICU with Hyaline membrane disease, pulmonary hypertension and a collapsed lung. All that to say you CAN be successful with breastfeeding! He was fed through a feeding tube until I could feed him and I pumped like crazy...the blessing to that...I have a freezer FULL of breastmilk. We were able to go to a movie..yay!
I did have to use a nipple shield at first to help him latch on, but we eventually got rid of that!
Hopefully she will not have to spend any time in the NICU. Praying and thinking about your family!

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