Anticipating Her

I'm not sure I have too much to say. I've been here, hanging out at the hospital now for about 10 days. I have constantly been oscillating between restlessness/urgency/anticipation and peace-filled waiting. Tomorrow, Wednesday, I will be 36 weeks, THE ultimate target I kept setting back in September when I was admitted at only 26. In those days I reminded myself over and over again, "I can do anything for 10 weeks"... and now that we're at that point... well, I have to admit that I'm thrilled!

Today was a day unlike most of the others I've spent here... it was a day of rest. (WHAT? you're thinking... ) My resting consisted of reading some scripture, and listening to music- no TV, reading or playing games, and not much time on the web. Honestly, I laid in the ever-comfy hospital bed for four hours straight drifting in and out of sleep, praying, and thinking about this last year while my Ipod cycled through my beloved worship music. Many of the songs that played softly against my thoughts were ones that brought me to tears. They were those songs that sparked so much emotion on our journey to meet Maddox and then in the grieving time after we lost him... Now those songs still resonate deep within me. They remind me of the precious hours with our second tiny son and often bring with their chorus' a steady stream of tears. Many tears today were for that tremendous sense of loss and for the sadness that comes less and less frequent these days, but, gratefully, intermingled with those were the ones of deep thankfulness, and restored hope. God continues to prove to be ever-faithful.

As we anticipate the arrival of our little baby girl, the child I prayed for while I was still pregnant with Maddox and the one that has been able to bring certain healing to a place inside me that nothing else quite could, I am filled with emotion. The trace amounts of fear and anxiety I feel right now are mostly overridden with joy, trust, peace and gratitude. ... As I look to the days ahead, I eagerly await the touch of Faith Clare's soft baby skin, the precious little face with eyes that will gaze into her daddy's, the tiny little fingers that will quickly take hold of mine, and the sweet lips that will surely get never-ending kisses from her biggest brother. This little girl will grow up knowing what a huge blessing she is to our family and will be raised with a love for the Lord and a knowledge of His saving grace. She will know about the sweet big brother that came to us just 10 months prior and lived for only a moment, but upon the Lord's calling was returned to Him. She will understand one day that each of us truly belong to our Heavenly Father and that He places a certain calling on every life, including her own. Goodness, she will learn so much in her time here, and will likely teach others so much in return.

I am so anticipating each of those moments and all the things we will learn together in the coming years... But mostly, right now in these moments leading up to her arrival, I'm simply anticipating her.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."- Zephaniah 3:17

Happy Veterans Day to all of our brave soldiers...
the men and women with us now and those that have gone before!