Attempting Normalcy- One Week

It's Wednesday night... one week after our precious baby girl joined us on the "outside" and we are attempting normalcy. My family arrived safely back in Nebraska this morning and Dusty's mom flew in this evening to stay through Thanksgiving... So, needless to say, we have had lots of help and continue to be so thankful for all the support from our family and friends.

I feel like there is so much to share, which I will definitely do soon, but for now I will simply say that we are blessed. Having our baby girl home with us is better than we could have ever imagined... Deacon is fulfilling my prediction of constant kisses for his "baby sister" and Dusty and I continue to treasure the tiny, curled-up legs and beautiful face that burrows into our chests while sleeping (about 99% of the day and night). I am feeling pretty good, although very tired, as can always be expected with a newborn and also after being on extended bed rest. Faith Clare is doing great and even though her jaundice is higher now than after 20 hours of bili lights at the hospital, we are fairly confident that we won't have to be readmitted to the hospital to repeat the phototherapy (as we had to do with Deacon).

I also wanted to express our THANKS! Thank you for continuing to check in on us, for all the wonderful comments about our sweet girl... and for praying. I would ask right now that if you have a few extra seconds, please pray for the roller coaster of emotions I have been feeling these last few days. Certainly I know there is a lot going on with my body as I get "reacquainted" with not being pregnant, but I also have been experiencing a deep sense of loss that I haven't felt since the time right after Maddox was born. I have to say that it is amazing to look at my perfect daughter and know that God has fabulous plans for her life, just as He did for Maddox, and that God-willing, His plans for her will unfold before my eyes... I am so thankful and yet, just now somehow realize how much I have been missing. A part of me, a part of my heart, is missing.

Thank you Lord Jesus for my Faith Clare... for my Deacon... and for my Maddox. Always praising you!

Our First Week With Faith Clare

"For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD."- Psalm 117:2


She is just precious. I am so happy for your family... I will continue to pray for you in this transition time. Again little faith is beautiful, what a blessing.
Candace said…
How absolutely precious your family is. My prayers are with you constantly!
I've not gotten to post yet since Faith Claire joined the world, but have been praying that all is going well since her birth!
Hopefully if the jaundice gets to bad they can just have you hook her up to the Wallaby at home, instead of going back to the hospital!
I'm sure that Deacon is happy to have everyone home now, and I pray you can get back to normal (what ever that is with a newborn) as soon as possible.
I'll be praying for you as well, for some of that loss you are feeling to ease a bit.
Praying in PA
The Hites family!
Amanda Hoyt said…
Beautiful pictures and we will be praying for you as you remember Maddox. I'm sure this must be both the best time and the most difficult time of your life.
Hugs and many prayers,
Amy said…
Fait is BEAUTIFUL and you look stunning! What a picture perfect family God has blessed you with! Stay focused on Him and all will be well!

Praying for you!

Be Blessed,

Amy (Honestly)
Amy said…
Sory, typo. . .FAITH is beautiful!
Christa said…
she is so PRECIOUS! an you, mama, look FANTASTIC - already!! I remember the sudden rollercoaster of emotions after delivery - the hormone imbalance is wild.. i cried all the time... and i didn't even experience a loss like you did, so i can imagine that your situation is difficult - i will certainly be praying for your sweet new family.. miss you! christa
Anonymous said…
What a lovely, sweet baby Faith Clare is!

I've been following your blog for a few months and I am thrilled that all is going well for you!

God bless!
Laurie in Ca. said…
Beautiful pictures Kenzie, each and every one. And tell Dusty that "pink" looks good on him:) Faith is just amazingly beautiful and I am praying for her jaundice to clear up.
I am praying for your heart Kenzie as you remember your sweet Maddox and asking the Lord to gently bring you through with His peace. I am so thankful for you guys and praising the Lord right along side with you. Deacon is so cute with his baby sister:)

Love and Blessings, Laurie in Ca.
Vanessa said…
I have to tell you that you're on hot mommy!! You look great!!! That baby girl is gorgeous too just like her mommy!
Rachel said…
She is gorgeous. So glad you got to take her right home from the hospital. Praying for you as you adjust to the hormonal, emotional and physical changes your body is going through. God will continue to carry you through even as He has in the past year and a half.
Hugs an Prayers
Rachel in PA
Andrea said…
I first read of your family back when Maddox was born. At the time I was 8 wks pregnant with what I thought was a healthy baby. Without even knowing I would walk the same path, I found inspiration in your story and your faith. It's so beautiful to see little Faith Clare added to your family. I can only imagine what you're feeling, but I'm sure it's normal and necessary for healing. May God continue to bless you and your family.
Devin said…
Oh Kenzie, thank you for posting these sweet pictures! Faith is so beautiful.

I know what you mean about the emotions. They can be downright terrible those weeks following birth. I can physically remember crying my eyes out--and I had no idea why! And then, just like that, I would be fine, and laughing again. It is really hard. I can only imagine the added emotions of Maddox's loss--that must be terribly difficult.

I go through that with other people's babies. Every single time I see a new little one, it brings all those thoughts back, yet, I love the treasure of a new baby all at the same time. It's rough. I know you know.

I am fervently praying for you all, and now can pray a bit more specifically. Thank you for letting all of us know what we can do to help you better. Enjoy every moment, I know you are!

Love and many prayers!
Madaline Jane said…
What you are experiencing is very normal. When I left the hospital with Ellie my OB told me to be very careful as many people who have difficult pregnancies are likely to have some severe depression afterwards. I was luckily as was one of the few who were just elated to be bringing a baby home. You are adjusting to alot. Good luck with your little girl. I am so very happy for you.
Andrea said…
So excited Faith Clare is home and you are all doing well! Praying God helps you work through the emotions you are feeling with now and continues to give you His peace and joy.

Love in Christ,
Penny said…
what a beauty! Treasure and enjoy her, I think most people who have lost a precious baby have those same feelings of missing out when a new blessing from God is given. I think there will always be a part of me that misses sees Mackenzie make the milestones that Kendall is hitting. I praise God that she is with him and will forever be greatful for Kendall and the other kids. My human-ness just misses the baby that is dancing with Jesus.
Jen in Al said…
oh kenzie, the pictures are just wonderful!!! you are definitely in our prayers. i can only imagine what you must be going through i don't know if this would help you but my babies have had jaundice trouble as well and i finally read about Milk Thistle. Mommy takes it about 2 capsules per day for about 2 or 3 weeks and it helps baby get rid of the jaundice quicker through it being in your milk. you can find it at Whole Foods or any natural foods store. i was amazed at how well it works! it is also good to take during first trimester for the nausea. Anyway i just thought i would share that. i sure wish i known about it before my 5th!:) blessings and prayers, jen in al
Jackie said…
Precious pictures !
Blessings to you & your family.
Praying for your specific requests.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Cathy said…
What a beautiful family. I am praying for you as you miss your Maddox but share in your joy of Faith. I think of you so often.
Jesse said…
So much beauty in your pictures. You have a precious family, Kenzie.

I'm praying for your heart and hormones during this time. Transitions are always rough, even when surrounded by blessings. Faith is a lucky girl to have such amazing parents, and the best big brothers any girl could ask for.
Unknown said…
Oh Kenzie,

She is precious!

Allow yourself to experience every emotion as God holds onto you through this journey holding onto Faith!

Love and blessings to your sweet family this holiday!
Tricia said…
I remember so well those mixed emotions of finally coming off eighteen weeks of bedrest - not to mention just having given birth. You have tremendous loss this year as well as joy, so be patient with your exhaustion and emotions and most of all try and take care of you too! :)
Blessings and prayers coming your way,
Tricia and Family xoxoxo
Katie said…
You have the most beautiful family! God bless!
Laura said…
So happy for proud of you! Praying for all of your hearts.
Les said…
Oh that first one melted my heart... the paci looks so big and she is so tiny. Love the pictures... and praying for you as you remember Maddox.
Your family is so beautiful!! What a proud papa and brother. They must be so relieved to finally have you both home... and healthy.

I will be praying for this time of hormonal craziness. After I had my 2nd, I cried for days for all the normal newborn things we missed having with our first (a micro preemie). Although I was so thankful and excited to bring a healthy baby home, it reminded me of all that we lost with Abby.

Praying for the Lord's gentle comfort and warm embrace as you ease through these first few weeks and months. Try to get some sleep when you can.

Sweet little Maddox is watching his family and must be full of joy with you about his new sister! Children truly are a blessing from Him.
Jaclyn said…
praying for you Kenzie...and thanking God with you for the gift of sweet Faith!
bri said…
Oh my goodness she is way stinkin' cute!

I have to say this from one bedrest patient to the next... doesn't it feel great to GET UP and be able to move around and go where you want! Oh that was my favorite part. Yes there was a lot of heartache not coming home with my babies indeed; but I did at least find joy in getting up when I wanted to.
I am too active to lay in bed that long. which makes me scared to ever get pregnant again. My dr told us that I would be striving to get to 26 weeks and that is going to be with STRICT bedrest. So we are praying for clarity there before anything ever happens again! I like my "freedom". I will do it if God wills it so but I may pout a minute or two. Ü
Unknown said…
She's beautiful! Congratulations again. Praying for you, Kenzie.
Joy said…
Congradulations Kenzie! Faith is just precious and so perfectly named!!!
D said…
Precious. Simply precious.

kari.jackson said…
she is just so, so beautiful kenzie. i will pray over your feelings of deeply missing maddox at this time and pray that you are able to just soak in the sweet love that faith is bringing to you and dusty and deacon.
sumi said…
Oh Kenzie...what a precious little treasure she is. I can imagine that snuggling with her will make the memories of Maddox and your missing him more acute. I often long for a little toddler body to hug but then I wonder if it will be more bitter than sweet.

Hugs, and prayers always,

Iric said…
She is so beautiful, I'M SO HAPPY to see your update..I can't wait to see more pics of hers..
Emily said…
she is beautiful!! God is really great! ur family is wonderful and adorable!
Kathy said…
Dear Kenzie,

Thank you for sharing the precious family moments with us! What a beautiful family!

Praying for all your thoughts, emotions and feelings that you are going through. Maddox is so loved and will always be missed.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Glad you have your mom-in-law there with you and that your folks were there! How blessed they are to share in all the fun.

Trish said…
Congrats on your beautiful baby Faith. I will be praying that God comforts that missing part of your heart. God bless,

Max's mommy
Kara said…

Those pictures are absolutely breathtaking! Cole is almost 3 months and we are still tired around here! I will continue to pray for you all as you adjust! She is absolutely beautiful, and I love the picture of all you! Maddox is surely smiling down from heaven!

Anonymous said…
I gave you a little "blog bling" today...go grab it!
Anonymous said…
She is so beautiful! I'm glad things are going well. Don't you wish you could just keep them so sweet and small forever.
Jenny said…
Beautiful pictures!!

I'm so happy you're enjoying having Faith home and I'll be praying for you as you deal with getting back to "normal" and the different emotions that are flowing through you.

Love & Hugs!
mrs boo radley said…
So much to be thankful for...everyone is just lovely!
Jenny said…
You have a beautiful family! Babies are so precious and special.... I love it when the snooze on your chest.

I could so identify with some of the things that you wrote today. We lost our first daughter to cancer. Though she was with us longer than your Maddux (we were blessed with 4 years), I remember so distinctly the sense of loss seeming bigger in some way when we brought our 2nd daughter, Izzy home. Izzy was born shortly after Catie died and I was just so thankful that God had placed another child in our arms to love. I remember though, driving down our road as we brought her home from the hospital and just crying... I was so thankful for Izzy, but there was supposed to be a little girl jumping up at and down at the window as she waited with her grandmothers for her sister to come home. That hole in my heart just seemed to grow, for all we were missing out on, for all Catie's sister would miss out on because she won't know her this side of Heaven.

I guess I write this, as a complete stranger, simply because I could identify with what you wrote. Be gentle with yourself as you recover -- hormones are wacky, huh? -- and the holidays can be tough -- esp. that first year after such a loss...

Hang in there and best wishes for your family...
That has to be one of the prettiest little girls i've ever seen. Her hair reminds me of my daughters when she was born...gotta love that hair, and that outfit (LOVE IT)

Glad things are going well...just now been able to catch up, i still have your recent posts to read, but i'm on my way up now.

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