Day 5- God Chose Me

I remember looking at people with multiple children when I had none or even my single, mostly-obedient child in tow and thinking, "I would never...".; **Friendly advice, if you have never done this, I warn you not to because you can count on being humbled over that very thing almost immediately! Daniel 4:37- "And those who walk in pride he is able to humble."** I will admit that when I was thinking those things, as hard as I tried not to, I would find myself standing in judgment of a particular decision, the parent or the child. Now, as our home is bursting with activity and little people, I can often tell when others stand in judgment of my children, my decisions or me. It's hard to be judged and often I later find myself questioning what I did, how I reacted, how my children behaved, or even their abilities. I simply want to do a good job and I want others to think so too.

The problem with that thinking is that it really doesn't matter what others think... it only matters what He thinks. I know this... I certainly do, but it's still hard. From people in the grocery store, to my best friends and even my parents, I want to be found "successful" as a mother. Like my children are my little "projects" and I am "succeeding." The funny thing is that if that was how I was rated as a mother by "outsiders", I would fail miserably. My children have a mind. And a will. And I still lose my temper and yell. I still give them lame answers and sometimes just nod having no idea what they said. I even sometimes tell them to simply stop talking because I don't want to her their voices anymore. Horrible... I know. But true. And those are just a few of the many reasons why I would fail.

So what has become more clear over these last few weeks as I have ventured out with three little ones is that I alone am their mother. No, I don't make the same decisions that everyone else does for their brood of children, but overall I am pretty rational and generally understand what I am doing for the short and long-term. I try to make calls based on what I feel Christ would ask me to do. Does it always happen? That would be a resounding NO (especially if you saw me with the two biggies today in Target), but I sure do try.

So instead of being found successful, I simply want to be found faithful. Faithful as the mother the Lord has specifically chosen for my four children. I only get to walk this road with three, so my goal is to raise the three that He has entrusted to me with faithfulness, conviction and love. Because for one reason or a million... God chose me.

"I would lead you and bring you to my mother’s house— she who has taught me."- Song of Solomon 8:2


Laurie in Ca. said…
Oh bless your heart Kenzie. This was me when my twins were little. I was so short of patience and full of guilt. Let it be what it is sweetie, it's motherhood and it's hard. The rewards are so many too and I love your faithfulness. It will get you through to grandmotherhood:) Really. I am the same with the grandkids:) I am glad God knows the job we face and He loves us for it with a Big Smile on His Face. I love you girl.

Love and Hugs, Laurie
As a mommy, I look at parenting in a whole different light. I have a child with special needs, although the special needs are not ones that are socially acceptable. Mental illness in a child stinks, especially the stares, comments, and stellar advice I receive from the outside. I have learned that no matter what you do as a parent, the goal is to love your children, do your best, and give the same in return to other families. While I do not know you and probably never will, I can assume that you are a loving mommy, loving wife, loving daughter, loving neighbor, and loving friend. There isn't much else that matters in this life. Thanks for a great post.
Anonymous said…
I have been reading your blog for years now, but I think this may be the first time I posted. (Sooo sorry about that!)

I am a mother of 3...each a little over a year and a half apart. 2 daughters (5 and 4 this Saturday) and 1 son (2). I have so related to each post you have been doing lately on motherhood. Thanks for allowing God to use you. Your honesty and "real-ness" have been sooo helpful to me!

I am learning through what God is teaching you, as well. =)

Thanks again and again!
Kristin Amato
izzy said…
Awww...thats really sweet... Your children are gorgeous btw! :)

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