Day 2- A Little Effort

Yesterday I attempted to go to Bible study.  It was my first of the season, but the last class for this fall so I really wanted to make it.  We were up in plenty of time and yet, getting everyone fed, dressed and out of the house seemed like a monumental task.  I was putting S's paci in 800 times and in 20 minutes I literally had to break up the fighting between the two biggies 8 times.  My stress level was already high but when we were finally ready to go downstairs to get shoes on, I looked over to see my very-determined 2-year-old all stripped down. Again.  I totally lost it yelling at her to not take her clothes off, to leave her diaper on and do what I ask.  She was crying at this point and started saying "pee-pee, pee-pee". She has gone on the potty several times but usually it takes a while to sit before she will go a few drops.  I was super annoyed that she picked that very moment to go and I yanked her up, carrying her to the baby potty and telling her if she didn't go she was going to be in big trouble.  With big crocodile tears still running down her face, she sat down and immediately went lots of potty.  And I immediately went from a crazy, wicked-witch mommy to the fairy godmother. 

"YAY!!! Faith Clare... I'm so proud of you! What a big girl... Mommy is so sorry I yelled at you.  Please forgive me.  I know we are in a big hurry but this is way more important.  What a BIG GIRL!"

She was beaming as I rushed to get her dressed and into the car.

Fast forward 30 minutes.  I was finally on my way up the elevator to Bible study and the only one that hadn't shed a tear was my sweet babe laying comfortably in the stroller.  We are so out of the routine of Wednesday study and both my big kids were crying as I dropped them off.  I felt bad.  I was mad too.  Why couldn't they just give me one hour of peace to hear from God? I cried as I walked out of the nursery.  My morning was a wreck and I shouldn't have even tried.  All I could could do was replay the morning in my head.  Ugh, I just wanted a shower and to get to Bible study... Was that too much to ask?

I walked into class late and sat in the way back.  Deep breath.  Try to focus.  That's why I'm here right?  As I listened to Pam Thompson teach, I slowly saw what He was revealing to me- that it was worth the tears, the frustration and the extra effort to be there.  Hearing a word from the Lord was worth a little effort, especially when I can't even seem to get my bearings straight.

As I listened to her teach on "The Wilderness Road" I was greatly encouraged.  She spoke on God using tough times to teach us. To grow us.  To produce endurance.  To build character.  My morning faded away for those 45 minutes and I simply took in the words she spoke over me.  And the most beautiful thing I recognized was... For the first time when hearing about "hard times" or being in the "wilderness" I didn't immediately think about my life.  About Maddox and all we have been through.  For so long I have felt like that is my story, like I own the copyright on being in the wilderness and all that I am supposed to learn.  Yesterday, instead, while Pam was teaching I saw a woman several rows ahead of me that is now walking something similar to what we did.  I thought of her... and of a friend who just lost her daughter... and another friend who has encountered major medical struggles.  For the first time it wasn't all about me and I could see, through the crazy morning, through me losing my temper and temporarily my sanity, that I have healed in a beautiful way. 

Is my life still crazy? For sure.  Are there still moments, days or even longer periods of wilderness ahead? Without a doubt.  But... now I can see that I am fully capable of helping others in their wilderness times because God has brought me through the biggest one in mine. 

Have I made mistakes since then? Absolutely.  Have I learned all the lessons that God has intended? No.  But have I forgotten the wilderness? Absolutely not... because the beauty of walking with the Lord in such lonely, overwhelming and anguished times is the ability to clearly distinguish His Voice.  His voice of comfort and peace.  And now His Voice leading me on to be in constant prayer and petition for others.

So, the learning continues.

Day 2) A little extra effort is totally worth it!  Sitting in the presence of Truth can transform your heart- for moments, and hopefully for an eternity.

"With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort."- 1 Corinthians 15:58  The Message


I am so glad you are BACK!! I have been thinking about you often in the past 2 months and wondering how the adjustment to 3 was going. I almost wanted to just email you and ask but I thought that would be weird since I am a stranger to you except through your blog. We just found out a couple months ago we are expecting our 3rd child in May. A huge surprise and not planned and it has taken me so long to get excited about it. I have been horribly sick through the first trimester, I have 2 young boys that are 3 and 1 and the thought of adding another so soon has been overwhelming for me. Reading your last two posts have brought me hope and encouragement in a way that no one else has brought me in the last couple months. Thank you for writing and thank you for being real. Good or bad I love to hear about it. God bless Kenzie.

Anonymous said…
Hi Kenzie,

Thank you for your honesty as a Christian wife and mother. You are such an encouragement to me. I have 2 children just turned 2 and a 9 month old and am extremely overwhelmed sometimes so I'm sure 3is even busier. Children are such a blessing and I'm thankful for them.

Susan said…
Oh Kenzie,

This was awesome and so true. I'm just blessed you made it there, and your heart was open to recieve that powerful message.

Yes, it is in that wilderness He speaks to us in a way no man can.

I remember the days it took that much effort and sacrafice to make a bible study.

And God does too. He loves when come to Him, tired, weary and worn out. He longs to speak to our hearts, to comfort and refresh.

Congrats on the new baby and your new blog makeover.

I think of you often...
Devin said…
Can I just say I was amening all over the place at this post?

It is so nice to see some honesty in a post like this--things are not always fairy tale, are they? Kids strip, need to pee, and cry at the worst times :) but they are worth the effort, and getting to hear the word of the Lord is ALWAYS worth the effort as well! Glad you were blessed by the study, and so glad for the healing the Lord is providing. Love you Kenz!

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