I can't believe that it's already been 8 months since my precious Maddox arrived to briefly grace our lives with his presence.  Eight months seems like an eternity ago... an eternity since I saw his beautiful face, held his sweet little hands, kissed his tiny feet, and marveled at the love that we felt for him.  I remember until getting my epidural a few hours before delivery how he continued to move and kick, as though he was reminding me that he indeed was alive and ready to be cradled by his mama.  I remember looking down after delivery and asking if he was alive... I remember Dr. Rowe saying he wasn't sure... I remember my sweet husband walking back to me a few minutes later with Maddox all swaddled up, saying that he had a faint heartrate... I remember knowing he was already gone.  I didn't need to ask questions.  I knew he was already gazing upon the countenance of our Lord and Savior.

Just as the tears fell then... they return now as I think about all that these past 8 months have brought.  Undeniable peace, uncommon assurance, indisputable love, never-ending tears, overwhelming sadness, inexplicable fear, triumphant victories, unspeakable joy and true, God-supplied comfort.  The Lord has allowed us to walk through something I would have never imagined we could emerge from... and yet, here we are on the other side, living, breathing, laughing, loving, and praising Him.  Experiences of this magnitude can only come from Him- the One to lay those choices of how we will respond at our feet and allow us to decide for ourselves.

In these last 8 months we have been a part of God's story... and we have marveled at how He works.  As He allowed such heartbreak and sorrow to penetrate our lives in the beginning of this year, He has also brought about such joy and hope to help heal and restore us.  The joy of expectant new life has somehow given us a semblance of "life-restored."  Our precious Faith Clare perfectly communicates what our beautiful Maddox Donald allowed us to experience firsthand- Clear Trust in the Lord... true faith in the only God who could foresee all of this and still allow for it to work together for our good. 

Today, on this 8-month birthday of our second son, I rejoice knowing that my Maddox is with the Father in Heaven.  I praise God for giving us the strength, the conviction, the understanding, the knowledge, the peace and the pure love to be able to see this through without losing faith in Him who brought this tiny miracle into our lives.  I celebrate today knowing that the 23rd was his day... a special date that is today, 8 months later, shared with his Papa for who he was named.  (Happy birthday Dad... Papa Don!)

Today I remember January 23rd with joy, with tears, with love and with continued trust that God will see us through each challenge we face.  Today is a good day because "This IS the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it."- Psalm 118:24

**We are home now and trying to stay very low key! More details tomorrow... Thank you for the continued prayers for all of us!


mrsrubly said…
kenzie, i so admire your walk in faith with the Lord. i am so grateful that i took that tiny slip of paper on the evening of that MOPS meeting last year. i am so grateful that i typed your blogspot address in my address window thing on my internet page and found out more about you. you and your lil beautiful Maddox have changed my life forever. and to god i will be forever thankful for that lil slip of papter that changed my life. you have instilled in me what God can do what he will do and what he will always be. Faithful, loving and caring the list could go and on. take care of yourself my sweet friend~~~can't wait for more details tommorow. happy 8 months Maddox!
ITA said…

Today someone picked up the picture that I have of Maddox in my office and marveled at him and asked about his story. I told them and they seemed in awe. I too am thankful for my 2 precious grandsons and now Faith Clare. We have been so blessed in our family with so much love, grace and mercy from our heavenly Father. I will continue to pray each and every day because my family is what is most important to me. Love always. ITA
Kirsten said…

What a beautiful post. The tears are flowing down my face as I read your precious words. Thank you for sharing Maddox and your entire family with us. It is such a blessing to see how God works in your life. You are such a light for Him.

It is comforting to know that Maddox, Chloe and all the other little ones are having a great time in Heaven with Jesus. They have it good up there. And God has so richly blessed us that He would bring so many of us together to comfort each other during our grief. He is an amazing God.

God bless you all today as you celebrate Maddox, enjoy Deacon, and look forward to meeting Faith Clare face to face.

Corie said…
Wow! You have spoken SO well of your feelings during this time. Wish I could copy past it! You just a have an amazing way with your words. So perfect and clear. Thank you for sharing. I continue to pray for your family and look forward to the rest of the story God is doing perfectly for your family. I can only imagine what our boys are doing right now. This is definitly a season that God has used to change me and through the tears and the loss I can say...Blessed be your Name most High God.
Mom2KCK said…
I have not posted on your blog before but your words moved me to write tonight. As a mother of a 34week stillborn baby boy I can honestly say that I feel your pain. We are 4 1/2 years out on the death of our little one and I can say that the first year is the hardest with making it through all the firsts and anniversaries always bring back memories both painful and peaceful. Your son is a beautiful angel and I am so glad that you were able to spend precious time with your little man.

Lezlie said…
The way your heart flows out on these pages never ceases to amaze me. I praise God for Maddox and all He has accomplished through him since last September. Your family's steadfastness is such a testament to our Sovereign God.
Love you all! Can't wait to meet Faith the right time, course.
Laura said…
Praying for much to remember. Keep breathing..sending much love.
Yamma Mamma said…
What an absolutely beautiful post.
Just Me said…
Continuing to send you prayers tonight. Such a precious little guy making a difference in the lives of so many...amazing!

Take care,
Yvette said…

Sweet friend you have been on my mind all day today, realizing it was the 23rd. I have especially been praying for you today knowing this day "23rd" can bring so many different emotions.

I hope that you've had a better day with Faith and that the contractions have slowed down along with the bleeding. I am also praying for that precious little girl and can't wait to meet her - although she has to stay in there just a little longer!

Thank you for the texts and for your email yesterday. I will email you back tomorrow.

I love and miss you,
walkingbyfaith said…
Kenzie, the strength our Lord has given you through these 8 months has been remarkable and I pray you only continue to grow stronger and stronger as time goes on.

Love ya girl!
So Blessed said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
So Blessed said…
Remembering precious little Maddox...and thinking of and praying for you, Kenzie, and baby glad you're home again.
Melissa Dovel said…

First time to post I have been reading from the time you went into the hospital (found you from "Waiting for Happy". Just wanted to say thank you for bringing into focus the important things in life. I am praying for your sweet faith to constantly remind you that she is ok and for a healthy full term pregnancy.

Blessings and Love,
Melissa Dovel
Jen in Al said…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADDOX!!!! Tears flow freely reading this post and remembering your precious son...I can only imagine what your Mommy heart goes through. the way you and Dusty are walking this path the Lord perfectly chose for you is such a testimony of the love of Jesus! thank you for continuing to share your life and glorify the Lord in all things. God is so very good. praying over you all. blessed be the name of the Lord, jen in al
mrsrubly said…
thinking and praying for you all this morning kenzie!
elke said…
I can't believe I have been so drawn to your website and tonight as I read your words "Dr Rowe" I realised why.

He is our saviour!!!!! I too was admitted to Texas Womens at 26 weeks pregnant with twin girls, dilated and contracting every 3 mins. I was on mag sulfate for 6 weeks and gradually weaned onto procardia. We were told we would have our babies within 24 hours of being admitted as my contractions never stopped.

I was so headstrong and adamant and kept telling T Rowe that I would have them on Jan 18th when I was 36 weeks!! Well, wouldn't you know it- that is exactly what I did and they were healthy 6.5 pounders. All thanks to T Rowe and his diligence and patience.

My girls are now 7.5 and we have 2 boys. One is 5 and one is 3. And I can honestly say I have never been more scared in my life. The fear of the unknown is so overpowering and frightening.

Your faith in God and your fabulous support system and of course INCREDIBLE doctor will get you through.

Take care of You and your little girl and tell T Rowe that David and Elke say "HI".

E-mail me if you need/want to.
Laurie said…
Thinking about precious Maddox with you today Kenzie and praying for you. I am so thankful that you are at home and Deacon must be so happy too, not to mention Dusty!! Take good care not to over due it girl. It may be bedrest, but it is at home with the ones you love. I love you too.

Laurie in Ca.
Sweet Kenzie,
I am lacking words right now, it's been a hard day. I rejoice with you for sweet Maddox...he will forever be a part of me!
Love you friend,
Cathy said…
Thinking of Maddox today and for the past 8 mths. Blessings to your family, sweet Kenzie.
Laurie said…
Sweet Kenzie,

You know where my heart is in this journey with Maddox since before he was born. I just want you to know that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and am praying you through day by day for Faith Claires birthday to be perfect in every way. So glad you are home with the ones you love most. I love this picture of you and Maddox, just precious.

Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.
Kathy said…
Such great news that you are back home!!!

What a beautiful tribute to your precious son! Maddox holds a place in so many hearts because you are willing to share him. The picture of the two of you is stunning.

Praying, praying, praying!
My heart breaks for you as you relive that day. I have followed your blog for awhile now but haven't made any comments. I admire your faith and trust in the Lord.
Miss said…
My name is MElissa and I have no idea how I stumbled upon your blog...but I did. And now, not even knowing you, but having the same love for our heavenly creator, I am sitting here bawling as I read a few of your posts.
My heart GRIEVES just thinking about losing a child....
I will be back as I admire your courage to write about your experience.
Miss said…
My name is MElissa and I have no idea how I stumbled upon your blog...but I did. And now, not even knowing you, but having the same love for our heavenly creator, I am sitting here bawling as I read a few of your posts.
My heart GRIEVES just thinking about losing a child....
I will be back as I admire your courage to write about your experience.

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