I can't believe that it's already been 8 months since my precious Maddox arrived to briefly grace our lives with his presence. Eight months seems like an eternity ago... an eternity since I saw his beautiful face, held his sweet little hands, kissed his tiny feet, and marveled at the love that we felt for him. I remember until getting my epidural a few hours before delivery how he continued to move and kick, as though he was reminding me that he indeed was alive and ready to be cradled by his mama. I remember looking down after delivery and asking if he was alive... I remember Dr. Rowe saying he wasn't sure... I remember my sweet husband walking back to me a few minutes later with Maddox all swaddled up, saying that he had a faint heartrate... I remember knowing he was already gone. I didn't need to ask questions. I knew he was already gazing upon the countenance of our Lord and Savior.
Just as the tears fell then... they return now as I think about all that these past 8 months have brought. Undeniable peace, uncommon assurance, indisputable love, never-ending tears, overwhelming sadness, inexplicable fear, triumphant victories, unspeakable joy and true, God-supplied comfort. The Lord has allowed us to walk through something I would have never imagined we could emerge from... and yet, here we are on the other side, living, breathing, laughing, loving, and praising Him. Experiences of this magnitude can only come from Him- the One to lay those choices of how we will respond at our feet and allow us to decide for ourselves.
In these last 8 months we have been a part of God's story... and we have marveled at how He works. As He allowed such heartbreak and sorrow to penetrate our lives in the beginning of this year, He has also brought about such joy and hope to help heal and restore us. The joy of expectant new life has somehow given us a semblance of "life-restored." Our precious Faith Clare perfectly communicates what our beautiful Maddox Donald allowed us to experience firsthand- Clear Trust in the Lord... true faith in the only God who could foresee all of this and still allow for it to work together for our good.
Today, on this 8-month birthday of our second son, I rejoice knowing that my Maddox is with the Father in Heaven. I praise God for giving us the strength, the conviction, the understanding, the knowledge, the peace and the pure love to be able to see this through without losing faith in Him who brought this tiny miracle into our lives. I celebrate today knowing that the 23rd was his day... a special date that is today, 8 months later, shared with his Papa for who he was named. (Happy birthday Dad... Papa Don!)
Today I remember January 23rd with joy, with tears, with love and with continued trust that God will see us through each challenge we face. Today is a good day because "This IS the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."- Psalm 118:24
**We are home now and trying to stay very low key! More details tomorrow... Thank you for the continued prayers for all of us!