On the Other Side...

If I were on the other side of this blog and hadn't walked this journey, I would still be acting like I had it all together.

... I would still be worrying about my house being clean instead of sitting on the floor and playing with my child.
... I would still be easily sidetracked with the latest news or Hollywood gossip instead of investing in mine and others' eternity.
... I would still be thinking about how mundane my days can become instead of how lucky I am to be home and watch my child grow.
... I would still be concerned about how close my children are in age instead of how much they could love each other.
... I would still be frustrated when my child is sick or needy instead of how thankful I am to have a healthy child that can challenge me.
... I would still be talking a hundred miles an hour instead of listening to truly understand.
... I would still be saying I am going to pray for you and getting too busy and forget.
... I would still be worrying about my agenda for life instead of listening to God's.

If I were on the other side of this blog, I would think "she sure has been through a lot" and "I feel so sorry for them" and quietly be so thankful that it wasn't happening to me.

But then...

I wouldn't have been blessed to see the face of my second son.
I wouldn't have known such tremendous love and such devastating loss.
I wouldn't have been able to see how the Lord can work through such uncertain times.
I wouldn't have been brought to my knees and my face in prayer.
I wouldn't have had this heart for families that have lost a child.
I wouldn't have known what it meant to truly long for Heaven.
I wouldn't have understood peace that passes all understanding.
I wouldn't have met such amazing people that have strengthened and sustained me.
I wouldn't have been overwhelmingly surrounded by friends and family.
I wouldn't have known the meaning of being united in everything with my husband.
I wouldn't have had such a beautiful way to share about Heaven with Deacon.
I wouldn't have witnessed how God can dramatically answer prayer.
I wouldn't have been on the receiving end of such love and service to our family.
I wouldn't have realized how short, yet precious life can be.
I wouldn't have understood what Christ means by trusting Him in all circumstances.
I wouldn't have felt the Lord carry us as we persevere under trial.
I wouldn't have been able to share our testimony of His faithfulness with so many people.
... I simply wouldn't have understood how God's plan could be fulfilled through a baby that just lived an instant...

I wouldn't have known my Maddox.

If I were on the other side of this blog, I would still be a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend that sought to understand suffering and trials... Now I can be that person, because I do.

(The inspiration for this post is from my sweet friend Jessica Pruitt- THANK YOU!)

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will received the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."- James 1:12


Crystal said…

I don't even know where to start, I have been following your journey for a couple of weeks now and I am blown away by your strength. As we were waiting to go pick up our son from Guatemala I checked in everyday on you and prayed mutiple times throughout the day for you. I too am a Christian and while I have had many losses (miscarriages) I can't pretend to even fathom what you went through.

--You are one of the most graceful people I have ever "met"--Jesus's love, grace, mercy, strength shine all over your writing and your blog. From the depths of my heart Thank you for writing--you are inspiring so many people with your faith! As cliche as it may sound you are a walking testimony of God's Grace! You make me want more of Jesus!!! I am in awe of you and your faithfulness and strength!

I have thought of your family so many times throughout the days and prayed for you to be comforted and hugged by our Jesus.

((((((HUGS)))))) to you and Thank you from the bottom of my heart thank you for your writing.
Emily said…
Oh how. Perfection. I'm so glad you're on that side, and that I get to know you. :)
Crystal said…
ps--Can I ask you want is the song to the video of Maddox's celebration of life?--it is soo beautiful!!!!
Laurie said…

I have watched you walk the other side of this blog before Maddox came and changed your life forever. I now watch you walking on this side and I have to tell you that the beauty of Jesus is all over you and the words you write. I personally want to thank you for choosing life for Maddox, no matter the time with him, no matter the heavy and heartbreaking cost. This is the strength I see in you as God has poured it out on you. You remain faithful to Him in every way and I know He is so pleased with all of you. Maddox has touched my faith along with so many of his friends he now knows and plays with in Heaven. God bless you.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

PS. Any updates on Chrissy and Eva?
Please let us know if you find out.
Big prayers for them too.
Angie Luce said…
How true! I feel the same way. I love what Jesus has given us as a result of what we have walked through with him!

thank you for writing so beautifully and allowing those who still are on the other side to glimpse what this side is like.
Andrea said…
Hi Kenzie-
It is so amazing to see the beautiful spirit God has placed inside you. I am constantly humbled and encouraged by your thoughts.

I pray that God would continue to open my eyes and heart and He has opened yours.

Yours in Christ,
siscaboo said…
That was beautiful and oh so true.

Thanks you for sharing.
Zac and Jenny said…
What a wonderful post... and a great reminder for those of us on the "other side." THank you for sharing. -Jenny
Erin said…
Wow, that is so true. We lost our son Isaac 2 years ago and it is amazing what an impact such a tiny person who was here on earth for such a short time can have on your life. Thank you for putting that into words.
Devin said…

Amen. BEAUTIFULLLY and eloquently written. So much truth, that runs so deeply. Amen, and Amen again. I'm so blessed to have a friend with such knowledge and understanding.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Devin :-)
Erin lee said…
hi i don't know you but i just had to tell you that your post is beautiful. it touched me in many ways. and also..... your son maddox's birthday is the same day that my son turned 1. even though i don't know you i will always say a prayer for you and your family on that day.
Anonymous said…

you are an amazing woman. i am so deeply touched by your story. i don't know you but i have cried tears over you. i found another blog tonight a mother who is facing the loss of her unborn baby. i just wanted to share her link. your family is in my prayers. i love your last post.

here is the link:

Anonymous said…
Wow, Kenz! That is amazing and speaks volumes of how great God is and how His ways are better than ours. You and Dusty have been so faithful! Your journey has impacted Brent and I in ways you will never know. Thank you so much for sharing all that you do! Hope to see you guys again soon!

Love, Jess
kidsworld said…
Thank you for opening my eyes to my own self. This is beautifully written. A great reminder of my blessings.

refreshing in ohio
Katie said…
Thank you for writing this post. You have said so much more to me than you could realize. Thank you.

So Blessed said…
These are precious words of truth that you shared today. Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart...so many are blessed by you and your testimony.
Tabatha said…
I am a lerker who prays for you. I too have experienced a similar lost and only those who have expeirenced know what it feels like. I know that right now your arms and your heart feel empty but remember to let God carry you as he did on the day you had your precious son. my loss was 1 1/2 years ago and sometimes today and look back and wonder how I made it through that deliver and then I catch myself and realize there was no other way to make it through unless God carried me. It's hard b/c life goes on for other people but stands still for you. I kept saying that I wish I would close my eyes and it be a year from that point but when time did start passing I started to panic b/c that time with my son was all I had and here it was, slipping away. As everyday went by I was scared that I or my family would forget....but I have come to terms with the fact that I will never, ever forget that day or my son. I am so sorry for your loss. Tabatha
email: tabatham8@hotmail.com
Melody said…
I still think everyday that each of you special Mom's sharing your story and experience are such a gift to the rest of us. No, we cannot truly understand the other side of this blog, and yet you are teaching us to treasure life more. We have not had to walk the valley you have, and through your own story, personal growth, and openness, we are learning.

Thank you for allowing God to use your experience to teach the rest of us the true value of life.
amazing kenzie, just truely beautiful
Susan said…
Dear Kenzie,

I'm just blown away by your most amazing testimony. Your love for Jesus challenges us all.

When I read this update, I could not help but think of this scripture:

Psalm 84:6
"As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools."

You are truly making your valley a place of "springs" we can all can drink from. God is so Glorified, and I know He is pleased.

Thanks for sharing your Journey of Hope with us.

Scarlett_333 said…
Hi there, I am just posting on the blogs of anyone who I think may be interested to let them know that Jen, who is adopting William from Liberia, is my Charity of the Month over at Blogs for a Cause. If you want your blog stylized and a chance to help Jen adopt William, check out www.madebynikki.blogspot.com
Chelle' said…
Kenzie- I am inspired by this post and feel a kinship with you in an abstract way. These are similar principles the Lord has been teaching me though in a different way.

You have captured them simplistically and yet eloquently. I would like permission to post this entry on my blog with a link back to your blog and a continued request that my readers keep your family and other families walking the same path in their prayers.

Please let me know if that would be OK.



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