Our Story- 5 months
It is hard to sit here and think that only 5 months ago I finally saw the precious face of my second son... my sweet, tiny Maddox. The child that brought overwhelming change to my life. The child that has brought me to my knees in front of my Lord. The child that made me love my family with a fierceness that is indescribeable. The child that made me embrace those who have walked this road. The child that simply asked for a voice and a chance at life.
I was talking the other night to a friend and telling her how through this whole journey, this long road I can see behind us, and the one still in front of us, I wouldn't change a thing. I don't have any regrets about a single thing that played out in our story. I wouldn't take back one bad doctor's appointment, one person telling us things we didn't need to hear, one night of pure agony and grief... because it's ours. This is our story and those frightening and shaky times are what constantly turned our faces back to the Lord. Sometimes it felt like I was sinking, maybe like I was drowning, but it was always the Lord who called out to me with his firm hand and said "take hold of me!" We didn't have a choice in this because He didn't allow it. He proved His faithfulness, His love, His sureness, His promises, and His peace time and time again as He guided our path. And it led to a beautiful, joyful, unbelievably peaceful day on January 23rd, 2008.
It's strange to think that I can say all of this when just 9 months ago we were rocked to our core and shaken beyond what we could have ever thought would allow us to stand again. The doctor's appointment on September 26th that seemed to change the course of my life, I now see for what it truly was... a way for God to reveal His power, mercy and love to so many. It hurt, yes. It was scary, yes. It is our family that bears the scar of losing a child. But it is also our family that has gained so much. We've seen with our eyes and felt with every ounce in us the prayer that has continued to be lifted on our behalf. We have felt the Lord move in ways we can't possibly describe and we actually got to hold a piece of Heaven in our arms. It has been hard, but it has also been beautiful...
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy o'er your head
Know that tomorrow brings wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
When what you've done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound I've been set free
I've been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
Happy 5 months Maddox! I know you are so happy and being taken such amazing care of... You make us so proud to be your parents! We continue to hear, even now, how your story has changed lives and how you have caused so many to fall on their knees in prayer. That is you baby and we are so thankful that the Lord is allowing us to be used in this beautiful story. Get extra kisses tonight from all those that love you. Deacon says hi and he talks about you often. He has decided that yellow is your favorite color, just like his. I couldn't argue... I just figured a brotherly intuition. We love you sweet boy and we thank God each night for you!
With love and remembrance always,
Mama, Daddy & Deacon
I was talking the other night to a friend and telling her how through this whole journey, this long road I can see behind us, and the one still in front of us, I wouldn't change a thing. I don't have any regrets about a single thing that played out in our story. I wouldn't take back one bad doctor's appointment, one person telling us things we didn't need to hear, one night of pure agony and grief... because it's ours. This is our story and those frightening and shaky times are what constantly turned our faces back to the Lord. Sometimes it felt like I was sinking, maybe like I was drowning, but it was always the Lord who called out to me with his firm hand and said "take hold of me!" We didn't have a choice in this because He didn't allow it. He proved His faithfulness, His love, His sureness, His promises, and His peace time and time again as He guided our path. And it led to a beautiful, joyful, unbelievably peaceful day on January 23rd, 2008.
It's strange to think that I can say all of this when just 9 months ago we were rocked to our core and shaken beyond what we could have ever thought would allow us to stand again. The doctor's appointment on September 26th that seemed to change the course of my life, I now see for what it truly was... a way for God to reveal His power, mercy and love to so many. It hurt, yes. It was scary, yes. It is our family that bears the scar of losing a child. But it is also our family that has gained so much. We've seen with our eyes and felt with every ounce in us the prayer that has continued to be lifted on our behalf. We have felt the Lord move in ways we can't possibly describe and we actually got to hold a piece of Heaven in our arms. It has been hard, but it has also been beautiful...
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy o'er your head
Know that tomorrow brings wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
When what you've done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound I've been set free
I've been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
Happy 5 months Maddox! I know you are so happy and being taken such amazing care of... You make us so proud to be your parents! We continue to hear, even now, how your story has changed lives and how you have caused so many to fall on their knees in prayer. That is you baby and we are so thankful that the Lord is allowing us to be used in this beautiful story. Get extra kisses tonight from all those that love you. Deacon says hi and he talks about you often. He has decided that yellow is your favorite color, just like his. I couldn't argue... I just figured a brotherly intuition. We love you sweet boy and we thank God each night for you!
With love and remembrance always,
Mama, Daddy & Deacon
"Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security."- Jeremiah 33:6
Comments
Kenzie, the biggest blessing to my heart is knowing that through it all, you would not change a thing. This is God and His amazing Grace at work. Only He can bring beauty out of the fire. It has been a blessing to follow your journey and see what the Lord is doing in your lives. Hurt, scary, and scars, yes they are all there. But He is bigger than all these things and strengthening you. You bless me. I learn so much from you. Have a wonderful week preparing to meet the girls. I am praying for great restoration here!!!!:) I love you all.
Laurie in Ca.
Kenzie, it is a beautiful thing to know that you lived Maddox's life here on earth with him in such a way that you have no regrets. I know God is so pleased with all of your choices.
You are such a blessing to know.
love, connie
what a beautiful love letter to sweet Maddox. that just brings joyous tears to my eyes! you are such a wonderful mother!!i am so glad that GOD has brought you and your sweet precious family into my life. bonny
Thank you for allowing us to share this bitter sweet moment with you.
Happy five months Maddox!
Love and Prayers!
Kristy
That's what happens when you're up all hours of the night!
Praying for you Kenzie. 3 months for me and 5 months for you. Thanking God for you and for our babies. See you soon. Love you!
Brent
I love what Mark Batterson says in his book, "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day"....."God given opportunities often come disguised as man eating lions. And how we react when we encounter those lions will determine our destiny. We can cower in fear and run away from our greatest challenge, or we can chase our God-ordained destiny by seizing the God-ordained opportunity."
Kenzie, this is exactly what your family has done - rather than falling into a life of "why me?" - you have chosen to rise above it - giving God the glory for the victories in your life - and seized this God ordained destiny to continue to testify of HIS faithfulness. You are an inspiration!
I didn't make it to the computer at all yesterday, I was thinking about you and Emily and well all of us. I will never forget the details of my trip back from Kentucky, burying my sweet Mary Grace, and being at the airport and reading the the blog update that you were in the hospital, I remember praying so hard and I remember checking almost hourly for news. Then came precious Maddox....there are no words to tell you how thankful I am for you and Maddox. I am thinking of you and I can't wait to see you in two days!
I can't believe it's been 5 months.
Love you friend,
Kim
Betsy Levenson