I Will Carry You

I Will Carry You
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you

These lyrics were written by Angie Smith (in collaboration with her husband Todd from Selah and Christa Wells) to her daughter Audrey Caroline. They just walked through a situation very similar to ours and I wanted to share these beautiful words that absolutely spoke to my heart.

These words bring me to tears as I remember Maddox and all that his little life taught us. I will carry him always... through the coming years. I will carry his life, his story of God's faithfulness, everywhere I go. No matter where our lives take us, no matter what God has in store for us up ahead, sweet Maddox will always be along... he will always be part of our family.

Last night as we were getting ready to put Deacon down, Dusty said, "Mama and Daddy love you so much..." We were waiting for him to finish our little saying because each night we say "Mama and Daddy love you so much, and SO DOES JESUS!" Instead he looked at us and said, "And so does Maddox." We smiled and said yes, that Maddox does love him so much and he thinks he is such a great big brother. Then we said, "But you know Jesus loves you most of all." He said, "Nope, baby Maddox does." It was just one of those things... those reminders that I really needed. Nope, Deacon hasn't forgotten either. ...I hope Maddox enjoyed the balloon we sent to him last night. We watched it disappear into the dark sky behind the trees as Deacon yelled "Hope you like your red balloon baby Maddox!"

Mother's Day was wonderful, and oh so tough... It was a day filled with hope and with loss, joy and tears, but I am so thankful for this life and the ability that God has given me to be a mother. I truly feel that there is no higher calling for my life than to be a mother to my children and share the truth of the Lord with them. Whether they are here in my arms, or in the arms of Jesus, I am so thankful!

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe," Hebrews 12:28


Rebecca said…
What a lovely post.

Much love...
Michelle said…
It brought tears to my eyes and gave me goosebumps. I agree with you that I feel being a mother is the highest calling in my life.
Christa Mc said…
sweet deacon always has perfect timing.. I love the way God uses him to speak to you. I really enjoyed chatting with you today - Miss you so very much.
Love, Christa
MSCW said…
Just wanted to let you know how you have ministered to me. Although we don't know each other, it just goes to show how strong the bonds of Christ are! Thank you for sharing your heart so openly. It has helped me understand the feelings that my sister in law has felt over the past months.
Cathy said…
Kenzie, You are so faithful to God. You carried Maddox and with aching arms you let him go to make a place for all of you one day in Heaven. Your witnessing through you grief touches all of us and we thank you for your openness. Cathy & Annabel
Dear Kenzie,
You are such a wonderful Mommy - I loved hearing what Deacon said about his baby Brother. I think about you and Maddox every day of my life. I pray for you still....
With much love,
Melody said…
I thought about you on Mother's Day, praying you had a good day celebrating being a Mom to Deacon and Maddox. You are right- it is the highest calling, and honor, to be somone's Mommy. I think you are a great Mommy to both of your boys.
Laurie said…
Beautiful post Kenzie, as always. To be a mother is such an honor and a blessing. Little Deacon sure has a pure heart and I love how he carries his baby Maddox in his heart. I know that you and Dusty do too. And most of all, I know it is Jesus who is carrying all of you. I pray for you daily and will continue to ask Gods blessings on your family. You are a very special lady.

Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.
Kirsten said…

Thank you for sharing your story and your family with us. Precious Maddox and Deacon are both blessed to have you as their mommy. I am encouraged and strengthened by you and the others I have found through blogs who are on this journey of grief. It is so hard!! Reading posts and comments is helpful. Monday will be 1 month since we lost our daughter and I'm dreading it. The blogs are helping me keep it together. Thank you! God is using you to comfort others.

Hi Sweet Friend,
For some reason (I wonder) my heart is heavy for all of us tonight. I think of you and sweet Maddox so much and I am praying still for you! I can't wait to see you friend.
With love,
Anonymous said…
Check this out...God is Amazing!!

Your Deacon sure is precious the way he talks about his baby brother.
Thinking of you my sweet friend!
Corie said…
Think of you and your family today.
Heather said…
I am very sorry for your loss. I just lost my baby girl a little over 2 weeks ago and was searching the lyrics for this song, and found your blog. I'm sorry you had to go through the pain that I have learned to accept into my own life.

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