Heaven and Faith

Today is the day I've been mentally noting on the calendar for just about a week now. It seems so funny, so fitting, in some way beautiful, how God works. Today is another Wednesday, but not just any Wednesday. Today is Wednesday the 23rd, just as it was 6 months ago when I met my precious second son and held his little body for 4 amazing hours. It is also a Wednesday unlike any other... today also marks the halfway point of this third beautiful pregnancy. It's sorrow mixed with joy... it's sadness intermingled with hope... it's an intense love for all of my children... but mostly it is faith. Faith in our Creator, faith in His plan, and faith that His ways are always higher than my own.

As I made breakfast this morning for our temporary family of 5, Dusty returned from the store grasping a beautiful bouquet of a dozen roses. I looked at his face and could tell he knew this day would hurt just a little more. With tears streaming down my face he held me as I cried. This morning, and even now as I write, they are tears of great love, a great sense of loss, hurting and grief... but they are also tears that are filled with purpose and thankfulness. Dusty & I talked last night about Maddox's purpose here and how his story- God's story- has spoken to so many; about how incredibly grateful we are that we get to have such a major role in seeing God's hand move and know without a doubt all of it is His will. As Priscilla Shirer recently said, there is no better place to be than in the middle of God's will, even if it is walking through the wilderness. Praise God that we are not deep in that wilderness anymore. Praise God that He continues to restore our hearts, our lives, and fill us with an understanding of Maddox's purpose here. Praise God that he has given us the ability to put all our trust, all of our faith in Him...

And so today, with a somewhat raw heart grieving over Maddox and yet rejoicing over the life of this new baby, we continue in hope. We continue in purpose... in prayer... in trusting God's plan. We also continue in faith. And with faith... our new baby Faith Clare.

This seemed fitting today as I was studying my Bible- a day of Heaven and of Faith.
"We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it."- 2 Corinthians 5:7-9


Lezlie said…
Oh, how I love your family. I am thinking about sweet little Maddox today. I can't wait to meet Faith and have no doubt with you guys as her family she will grow into her beautiful name. Love you.
Christa Mc said…
i'm speechless - not sure what to say except that I'm praying for you on this special day.. giving you long distance hugs from way over here - miss you. christa
Rebecca said…
What a beautiful name. Thank you for writing today and for sharing all this with us.

Much love...

Sabrina said…
I love the name!! It is so perfect! I know I tell you everytime I comment but your faith amazes me and helps me continue to strengthen mine. Thank you for writing so that we can share in your journey and more importantly share in your Love, Hope, and Faith of our Great Creator.

with love
Jen in Al said…
oh, Kenzie, i am weeping with you! Maddox will never be forgotten! May you feel the loving arms of our Heavenly Father; the same arms that lovingly cradle your sweet precious Maddox are holding you too. Can't wait to meet Faith! What a beautiful name! What an incredible answer to prayer and evidence of faith she is! Praying for you all daily, jen in al
Corie said…
Thinking of you today on our sons Heaven day! Oh I am sure they are doing so well. What a peace to know they are safe! Congrats again on your baby Faith. What an amazing gift God has given to you. Hope in the midst of sorrow! What a beautiful family you have.
bookworm said…
Such a beautiful name that is in itself a testimony.
(Sorry that I got the date wrong yesterday...I'm all mixed up this week.)
love and prayers,
Andrea said…
My heart is full reading your words and looking at the pictures of these three beautiful children God has given you.

Thank you for continuing to let us into your life, Kenzie.

In faith,
Laurie said…
Beautiful name for your baby girl Kenzie, just perfect. I too am thinking about Maddox today with an ache in my heart for you and Dusty. So much joy going on in your heart on this Wednesday, yet the pain of Maddox remains as a reminder of perfect love for a perfect little boy. It blesses me so much to see God being faithful in His promise to bring you through. Praising Him that you are not deep in the wilderness anymore too. I read this scripture the other day and it made me think of you and all the other girls who walked before you and after you in the wilderness. It is Hosea 2:14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her heart." I love you Kenzie and want to thank you for always ministering to my heart. Your family is precious to me.

Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.
petebon5 said…
o kenzie what a beautiful post. i am sorry! i could feel the emotion when reading this! i am praying for you and your family. can't wait to meet Faith Clare. best wishes.
petebon5 said…
i forgot to say:

happy 6 months Maddox!!! you have changed my life forever! for that i am greatful to the Lord! bonny
Just Me said…
Happy Six Month birthday Maddox. What a legacy you have left. Through your parents, you have taught others to have faith even through the wilderness, and because of you, they will now have Faith.

Kenzie, thank you for continuing to share your story. Prayers to you and your family.
ITA said…
My dear, sweet Kenzie, This truly is a very special day for the entire Stanfield Family. I am rejoicing in God's mercy and love for all of us and am persuaded, like Paul said, that nothing can separate us from His great love and purpose in for our lives. We only live for Him. I am so in love with my 3 precious grandchildren and ask God to give my little Maddox a great big 6 month birthday hug for me.

Anonymous said…
Hugs to you! Prayer raised for you! My heart as yours blessed by the One who knows us best and loves us most. In Him we live! I read your blog regularly... You bless me!
In His Amazing Love and Grace,
Sue of Tennessee
(Caleb's Ahma...he is with Maddox
Alive and well in the Presence of our LORD!)
The Smiths said…
Many prayers for you! I love the name and it is so fitting for her. We can't wait to meet Faith Clare!

Love you - Jen
ajc4ever said…
I LOVE the name you have chosen for your daughter. It's perfect! I think of Maddox a lot and how his moment of life on earth has impacted me so much. You guys are in my prayers. God Bless.
boltefamily said…

I am so excited for you all and am praying for you each step of the way. What a blessing little Faith Clare is! I cannot wait to meet her!

I love you and am praying!

siscaboo said…
Happy Birthday Maddox!

A baby girl with a beautiful name how wonderful!

Praying for you.

Angie said…

After half a year, it is a powerful thing to look back. i know when the six month mark hit for me, we had just taken adrienne home a few days before.. it was so unbelievable to look back and miss poppy, while at the same time rejoicing about the little one i had in my arms. it must be similar to you as you remember maddox while at the same time you carry this precious little girl. i can't wait to meet faith clare! i miss you!


Yvette said…

Good morning! I know I emailed you first thing yesterday and let you know that I would be praying for you because it was the 23rd but I wanted to let you know that you were in my thoughts and prayers all day yesterday. Your friendship has meant so much to me over the last 9 months. I am so glad you were the 2nd "internet" friend I found, what a journey it has been to walk side-by-side with you through the life of our precious babies and to now walk beside you as you are pregnant with Faith Clare. I am so excited for you!

Love and miss you,
What a precious name. I have read your blog for about 6 months now but I don't think I have ever commented. You have a precious family and I am touched by your faith and strength. Thank you for allowing strangers to get a glimpse into your life and to see how AWESOME our God is.
So Blessed said…
Precious Faith...precious faith. Both are loving gifts from our Father. Praise Him.
Love the new baby name. If I ever had a girl her name was going to be Savannah Faith. Faith is the word I chose for my company name. I will email you why. It will take on a whole new meaning for you, in addition to your story.


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