Heaven and Faith
Today is the day I've been mentally noting on the calendar for just about a week now. It seems so funny, so fitting, in some way beautiful, how God works. Today is another Wednesday, but not just any Wednesday. Today is Wednesday the 23rd, just as it was 6 months ago when I met my precious second son and held his little body for 4 amazing hours. It is also a Wednesday unlike any other... today also marks the halfway point of this third beautiful pregnancy. It's sorrow mixed with joy... it's sadness intermingled with hope... it's an intense love for all of my children... but mostly it is faith. Faith in our Creator, faith in His plan, and faith that His ways are always higher than my own.
As I made breakfast this morning for our temporary family of 5, Dusty returned from the store grasping a beautiful bouquet of a dozen roses. I looked at his face and could tell he knew this day would hurt just a little more. With tears streaming down my face he held me as I cried. This morning, and even now as I write, they are tears of great love, a great sense of loss, hurting and grief... but they are also tears that are filled with purpose and thankfulness. Dusty & I talked last night about Maddox's purpose here and how his story- God's story- has spoken to so many; about how incredibly grateful we are that we get to have such a major role in seeing God's hand move and know without a doubt all of it is His will. As Priscilla Shirer recently said, there is no better place to be than in the middle of God's will, even if it is walking through the wilderness. Praise God that we are not deep in that wilderness anymore. Praise God that He continues to restore our hearts, our lives, and fill us with an understanding of Maddox's purpose here. Praise God that he has given us the ability to put all our trust, all of our faith in Him...
And so today, with a somewhat raw heart grieving over Maddox and yet rejoicing over the life of this new baby, we continue in hope. We continue in purpose... in prayer... in trusting God's plan. We also continue in faith. And with faith... our new baby Faith Clare.
This seemed fitting today as I was studying my Bible- a day of Heaven and of Faith.
"We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it."- 2 Corinthians 5:7-9