Bedtime Prayer

My heart has been somewhat gripped lately. I have cried quite a few tears and although I can't quite pinpoint the cause, it's true that I've thought a lot about Maddox. His 18-month birthday is upon us. I've watched from afar as two families have said goodbye to their precious infants this week. I've been reliving our story as I mentally prepare to write an article for a local magazine about Maddox and Trisomy 18. You're Not Shaken (Phil Stacey) has been playing constantly, in my car and in my mind. All of this and more has caused my mind to wander... not to what should have been, but what is... and also what is not.

There are many things, a lifetime-full, of what is not... but there are many things that were and a very special thing that is. It's not especially deep or profound, but it is something that means the world to me. A special prayer that will always link me to my children. A prayer that I made up and recited over Deacon when he was a baby, the same one that I prayed over Maddox as I cradled his body while his spirit was already with Jesus, and one that I now speak in a whisper over Faith Clare as she drifts off at night.

Just a small, intimate glimpse at a portion of our nighttime routine... and that one special evening we spent with Maddox.

I love you, Lord, with all my heart;
I always have, since the very start.
You bless my life with all I need-
Thank you, Lord. Now take the lead.

Mama and Daddy love you so much... and so does Jesus!

The beautiful thing is that now Deacon will say it with me. Hopefully as he grows he will remember this overly simple prayer and know that the Lord always provides all that we could ever need... and that we are so thankful for His blessings.

"By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life."- Psalm 42:8


Devin said…
Every night before bed, right after prayers, I sing to each of the boys (individually) this song. It is actually just a poem (I think) that I heard somewhere, but the words gripped me, and I quickly wrote them down in my Bible and then made up a tune for them:

Every morning I see how His love comes to me,
Every morning His mercies are new;
At the end of the day I can surely say
That God takes care of me and you.

I love to hear the boys singing along with me, just as I am sure you love to hear Deacon say them with know the treasure of those prayers are just becoming engrained into their little hearts.

Love you Kenz. Praying for you as you deal with these emotions. I understand...what's "not to be" can sometimes be very, very difficult.
Michelle Jamie said…
I love that prayer.

We have been teaching our sons the Lords prayer and on Wednesday night with tears in our eyes we realised our 2yrs10mth old could recite the Lords prayer with minimal prompting. We rejoice because in the 16th century people were burned at the stake for teaching their children the Lords prayer in English.

We are trusting that if we are faithful in the little with our children, God will be faithful in the great "thing" of salvation for our children.
Cathy said…
All your babies are wrapped so tight in you and Dusty's love and in the arms of their sweet Jesus! What happy, loved and secure babies you brought to this earth for whatever time God has planned.
Laurie in Ca. said…
Love you Kenzie and praying for your sweet heart these days. Jesus loves the simplicity and innocence of children. This prayer is so perfect.

Love and Hugs, Laurie
Lisa said…
That is such a precious prayer for you and your children to have :) so sweet... I say a very small prayer and then always say every night.. Angels, Big Ones and he says it back to me along with I love you Momma. I just love sweet bedtime with my little ones.
Kathy said…
Beautiful post, Kenzie. Loved the prayer and your honest heart. God bless you and give you peace as you deal with all of these feelings.

Bedtime with little ones is magical. As they get older it is often the time they will open up and share what's on their mind. I love how you soak up every minute of it.
Baby Jacob said…
I love you Kenz and your sweet sleeping babies! May He always lead us.
connie said…
This is so beautiful, Kenzie. I love that you have the memory of sharing that same prayer with Maddox, too.

John says a prayer of blessing over each of our children, nightly. I remember one day while I was pregnant, being so distressed that (we thought) Mallorie might not get to receive those nightly blessings, so I asked him to start blessing her while she was still in the womb. That was so moving and so comforting to me. I needed to know she would get to have that family experience.

I'm sorry it's been hard lately. I am praying for you.
That's a lovely prayer. Simple and lovely. I hope you feel better soon....
Anna said…
I don't know if you remember me but I played volleyball with Morgan. I found your post on Steph's blog and started perusing. Wow!! The trials you have been through and your faith and trust in the Lord is all so amazing to me. You have a beautiful family! And the prayer you shared is wonderful.
-Anna (Wheeler) Barnoski
Pam said…
Praying for you!!!!!!
Doula Mama
Anonymous said…
Your prayer is just right for a 3 year old. Thank you for sharing it. I will teach it to my daughters.
V2 Content said…
Hi Kenzie-
I always enjoy catching up on your blog. You do a beautiful job. I wanted you to know that I got an email from a friend of mine the other day about a family who is going through a similar situation as you and your family did with the birth of Maddox. She is blogging about it, as you did about your time while pregnant with Maddox. Anyway, I passed your site along to them & got an email back that it had really helped them alot. I thought you would like to know that. As I am sure you hear many times, your story has touched many hearts. It always comforts me to know that Alexis is helping others through her trials- as I am sure that you are proud to know that Maddox & your story has given someone else comfort as well.

Again, great to see the pictures of your family. I think about you guys often....

Tiffany Verzal
Melvin said…
wow,great pictures....
thanks for sharing...
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