Happy 1st Birthday

Today is a special day, as you all know... It's Maddox's first birthday! We are celebrating as a family and have decided not to make many big plans so we can spend time remembering our baby boy. We talked to Deacon last night about Maddox and his birthday today and so this afternoon he wants to go get some balloons to send up to Heaven~ absolutely perfect for me! This evening my grandparents, who live in Nebraska and have yet to meet Faith Clare, will be arriving in town and keeping the kids for Dusty and I to have some alone time together. And I can't forget to mention my afternoon massage- a sweet indulgence gifted to me last year by some wonderful college friends! All in all, looking out, the day seems beautifully simple.

I have to tell you, I am absolutely filled with peace today. I have prayed and prayed and prayed these last few days and especially the past 24 hours that the Lord would continue to spread His peace and protection over our hearts today. This day last year is absolutely engraved in my mind and though without a doubt it was the hardest day I've ever known, I would have to say that it is probably the most beautiful. To see the hand of God in such a life-changing, vivid way is beyond compare and something I will always be so grateful for. For that moment of life with Maddox and then for hours holding the most precious piece of Heaven... well... it is something I will carry with me until I see his sweet face again.

I know there will probably be more difficult times today than these very moments... and likely more difficult days than this one that is covered in prayer and flooded with peace... but for right now I am simply marveling at the memory of my baby boy enjoying his first birthday in the presence of his Creator. Oh, how he must be dancing!

My sweet Maddox-

Happy 1st Birthday precious boy! Although you are not physically here with us today, your memory is never far from our minds. You came into this world for such a
short time, but you blessed us beyond measure... Oh, to think that a tiny little boy could change so many hearts and cause others to search for the Giver of Life himself is absolutely astounding to me.

Maddox, I could tell you so much about this journey that I have been on, about your new baby sister, about your sweet big brother, about your loving Daddy... I could tell you about each and every memory of my time with you... about how I knew you intimately inside and about that brief moment of life when you made your appearance into our arms... I could tell you so much about your grandparents that love you, about how we still cry at the thought of you not being here, about how your absence has been so strongly felt ... Precious baby, I could tell you those things and a million others, but deep inside I know that all you need to know is that you are so deeply loved. One day, when we are together again, I can share those memories that absolutely flood my heart right now. I bet when we talk, you'll have so much to tell me too. I know that you already have many answers to the questions that my mind still asks... will you share it all with me? Can you tell me of the day you arrived last year? I can't wait to hear how beautiful your homecoming was! I love you son and you will always hold a special place in my heart, just like Deacon and Faith Clare. You are each my children and I thank the Lord daily for the perfect gift of you.

Happy 1st Birthday!

Love eternally,

"And now thus says the Lord, your Creator, and he who formed you; 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.'"- Isaiah 43:1


Thinking of you and your family on this day. You are an amazing woman and I admire your strength and faith.

Laurie in Ca. said…
I am thinking about you and the family on this very tender day. I am thankful for the peace that fills your heart Kenzie, and pray it stays with you all day. Beautiful pictures of your beautiful Maddox. I always remember him in my heart. I love you girl. Have a most wonderful get a way with Dusty. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Love and Hugs, Laurie
Anonymous said…
Kenzie, It has been a exactly a year that I started following your story. I am so glad to follow you on this journey and to hear your beautiful words. Your family is beautiful. Take Care!
Happy Birthday Maddox!
Megan said…
Happy Birthday Maddox, indeed! It is precious to picture our babies in the arms on there birthday. Something tells me the party they are having can't compare to a Buzz Lightyear or Curious George party, huh?!

Just breathe today. You are in my prayers. ~Megan
Anonymous said…
Happy Birthday Maddox!

Thinking of you all today and sending prayers and love to all!
karina said…
Happy birthday to your heavenly son, Maddox. May your day be peaceful and filled with joyful memories.

Maddox continues to touch lives.

(((hugs))), I wish these hugs could be in person.

blessings, Karina :o)
Happy birthday Maddox...enjoy the party!
Sabrina said…
Happy Birthday and many blessings. I know that God will be with you today as he has been throughout your journey. I pray that today will be filled with peace, love, and wonderful memories of your time together as a family.

God Bless
Sabrina and Tom
Sarah said…
Happy Birthday Maddox!

Kenzie you are an amazing woman with admirable faith.
our family said…
Happy Birthday to your precious boy! What a party I am sure he is having in heaven!
Praying for you today!
Rachel in PA
kristy said…
Happy Birthday sweet Maddox! I am so very thankful for you and for your mommy!

Praying for all of you today!
Christa Mc said…
happy birthday maddox - in many ways it feels like forever ago and in many ways it feels like just yesterday... You have forever changed my heart.
Much Love,
Wendi Junod said…
Happy Birthday to your sweet Maddox! Thank you for that post of encouragement, perspective and hope. You will be blessed. I have been blessed immensely your family! Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers today.
mrsrubly said…
what a beautiful love letter to sweet Maddox. happy first birthday sweet baby~you are so loved and missed..
Susie said…
Happy Birthday Maddox!

I'm thinking of you all today. May God grace the day - it's certainly not an easy day, but it's a blessed day, isn't it?
That's so wonderful. Happy 1st birthday Maddox!
Our prayers are still with you daily!
milehighmom said…
Thinking of you and your sweet family today as you celebrate Maddox's birthday. May peace be yours. ~Melissa
Madaline Jane said…
I am thinking of you today!
Anonymous said…
Happy Birthday, Maddox! Thinking and praying for you Kenzie & Dusty!
Love, The Beards
The Nichols Fam said…
Happy birthday sweet Maddox. You and your family have been on my heart and mind and I pray that God would surround you all with peace, love and His comfort which transcends all. Thank you for sharing your strength and your faith. You are precious to so many. What a birthday party he is having in Heaven!
The Nichols Fam said…
Happy birthday sweet Maddox. You and your family have been on my heart and mind and I pray that God would surround you all with peace, love and His comfort which transcends all. Thank you for sharing your strength and your faith. You are precious to so many. What a birthday party he is having in Heaven!
Sara said…
I pray that flood of peace continues to surround you. Your sweet Maddox is a blessing. You have encouraged me over the last year and especially since Oct. when our sweet Samuel joined Maddox in Heaven. What a celebration they must be having... I can't wait to be able to join in, in person:) Thank you for all of your precious words and truth you continue to share.
bri said…
Happy Birthday Maddox. It is a great day in heaven as is it is here on earth!

Blessings and strength in this healing process!
Lezlie said…
Happy Birthday, Maddox.
~The Reeves
Cathy said…
Kenzie, The pictures are beautiful and tell of such a precious forever love! Thinking of you today and actually talked about you today with Kim! Praying that you and Dusty will have some wonderful times this weekend away.
Angie said…

I am so grateful for you and Maddox today on his birthday. My prayers for you have been that this day would be one filled with joy and memories of everything God has done, and from what you said, it sounds like it's been all of that and more.

Love you!!

Corie said…
Thinking of you today. I am always so blessed by your posts. You are such a strong lady. I am always in awe of it. Hope you had a blessed day as you thought of your Maddox in Heaven today. What a beautiful family you have. Thinking of you often.
Baby Jacob said…
I love you friend, and your boys and your sweet girl. I remember the first time you commented on Jacob's blog and shared your story with us just days after Maddox's birth....what it meant to us to be on this joureny and know that others have walked it and were walking it with us. God used our sweet tiny boys to bring us together and what a beautiful thing that is...I am so thankful.

Melody said…
Happy birthday, Maddox! You certainly have touched hundreds of lives, the least of all, mine. You are a beautiful gift, and a reminder of our fragile lives.

Kenzie, thank you for sharing your precious family with us. I'm thinking of you, Dusty, Deacon, and Faith today. Enjoy the simplicity.
Oh sweet boy. Thank you for being so strong and for making your way into this world and into our hearts. You will forever be engraved in mine! Happy Birthday sweet Maddox.
Jen in Al said…
Happy Birthday sweet Maddox! we thank God for your precious life everyday!!!!! Kenzie, blessings and many prayers for you all as you celebrate this special precious day!!!!! praying for you all, jen in al
AmandaHoyt said…
Happy Birthday, Maddox and many prayers for your family today.
Kathy said…
Dear Kenzie,

Your letter said it all. Beautiful!

The pictures of your dear, sweet boy and his family who loved him so, are very, very precious.

Thank you for sharing this day of celebration and know that we, too are missing him and that we are all praying for your sweet family today and everyday.

Chelsea Pang said…
I love that you write a letter to him. I have done just a few notes to Grace, just getting settled into the idea.

I also find it so sweet how much your baby looks like Grace. How was it to see him for you?

God is amazing how he will prepare your heart for peace at times you'd never think you could have peace.
Michelle said…
Happy Birthday sweet Maddox!
Judy said…
I remembered, was praying for all of you, thinking of your sweet little boy dancing with Jesus. I was out of town so couldn't leave a message until today, but I just wanted you to know that all the Stanfields were in my prayers on Friday. Thank you for sharing your bittersweet journey with us. I have grown and changed because of you and your sweet boy! His life continues to bring glory to God!
Autumn said…
Thank you so much for sharing this journey with us. You are beautiful. I love your letter to Maddox. I love that you say you thank God for the Perfect gift of each of them. So, so true Kenzie. Perfect Gifts,each of them.

Happy Birthday Maddox!
momstheword said…
I "happened" to come across your blog today. My thoughts and prayers are with you. How wonderful to know that we have a Father whose grace sustains us.

What a blessing that you are able to give the sacrifice of praise and trust His faithfulness to you.
Georgia Lee said…
I had been thinking of you guys so much over the past few days without even realizing that a year had passed since Maddox's birthday. One of my coworker's encouraged me to view your blog...and with tears in my eyes I realized why I had been thinking of you guys so much. What a wonderful yet difficult year it has been for you. Congratulations on baby Faith, I am sure she has brought you such joy and such affirmation of the gifts you hold dear. Congratulations! Love,
Georgia Lee (CLRMC Social Worker)
mommyof2sons said…
What a beautiful post and letter to Maddox. Happy first birthday, Maddox!

I hope you enjoy your massage and date with Dusty tonight! You are amazing! I love to read your blog!

prayers for you today!
Devin said…
I am just so, so thankful for YOU, and for that sweet little boy.

Love you girl.
Kenzie - what a beautiful letter to Maddox. Happy Birthday sweet boy! I love how you asked him what his homecoming was like. Oh how I can't wait to hear all about it one day and to rejoice together with him and all of our babies gone too soon from this earth!

Know that I continue to lift you up in prayer and wish you a blessed day! Knowing he is safe in our Father's loving care - perfect - pure - holy!

Love and blessings to your family!
Courtm said…
Thank you for sharing your story! May God Pour His Blessings on your family!
purejoy said…
precious post. and sweet pictures. God creates beauty from ashes, and it is evident in your life and how you are living transparently for Him.
blessings and love to you, friend!
thinking of you today as usual. Love you!

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