Eleven Years

11 years ago today I held you in my arms for the first time and the last. {the last on THIS side of Heaven!} I miss you baby boy!

I look at your siblings and see you too. I hear your laughter when Scout laughs. I see your determination and strength when I watch your baby sister. I see your kindness and love when I look at Deacon. And your mischievous side... that’s all Asher. My heart skips a little bit when I see you in them.

For the first time ever on your birthday, I didn’t wake up feeling broken. Sadness didn’t overwhelm me. Instead, I feel hopeful. All that you accomplished in your short time here— the people you touched, the faith you sparked, the testimony of your life that tells the story of God’s goodness, even when circumstances scream something else.

You make me brave, little one. You’re part of our story. You’re part of our legacy. Because— Jesus. That’s the only real legacy we care about.

Loss is hard. Life is hard. Love is hard.

BUT WE DO HARD. In the strength of the only One who can sustain us.

“If I didn’t know what it hurt like to be broken; then how would I know what it feels like to be whole?”