Intermingling
An intense intermingling of emotions... deep gratitude for God's faithfulness, deep sorrow for 10 years without my son, flooded with tears this morning as I half-sob, half-shout of our Resurrected King and how our Living God robbed the grave. Then tonight in a beautifully orchestrated moment, I held hands with our sweet 7-year-old son who boldly declared that he wants to make Jesus the "boss" of his life. He prayed simple, yet powerful words that changed all of eternity. The most bitter... the very sweetest.
I've learned over the past 10 years that the days I anticipate will be the hardest, often aren't. Instead, it's IN that anticipation that I find myself heavy, my thoughts weighted down. I catch myself struggling to exhale; I'm gripped. My eyes are on the verge of overflowing at any given moment and everything around me has a bigger meaning. I can't help it, everything feels connected and I can't escape the deep thoughts-- and seeing all the moments that are interwoven threatens to undo me. Not in bitterness or necessarily in sorrow, but in total AWE and AMAZEMENT for what God has done and continues to do. His faithfulness. His Majesty. In His "even if I do not"s and in His "let it be as you have said"s. When nothing is coincidence and everything is Providence, the simple shift in perspective is so radical. To step back and truly understand that our lives are His joy and his Masterpiece... a mosaic of tiny moments that becomes a massive canvas stretched out across the skies. A canvas unbound by time or "expectations." Using our joy and sorrow, peaks and valleys, dull and daily, to show how He loves us with an everlasting love. A love that would take His own Son to the grave. And a power that would raise Him three days later.
A love that bridges the gap for my Maddox to have entered this world and meet His Jesus in Heaven the very same day.
That SAME love that bridges the gap for my older three with us to have made the decision on their own as invite Jesus to take control of their lives.
And the power of the Only True God ensuring their eternity is sealed in Him.
All of heaven celebrated tonight. And yet Jesus wept with me 10 years ago. He knows my grief, he knows my greatest joy. Always living in anticipation for a glimpse at the BIG mosaic of this life, realizing that our own pictures are so small... Joy and sorrow intermingle. But tonight, without looking forward or looking back, I rest in today. As all of HEAVEN rejoices for one more child who made the choice to come to Christ. My babies hearts' belong to Him... whether they are here with us, or worshipping alongside Him. My babies belong to Jesus; their Rescuer, their Redeemer, their Savior and their Lord. And at the very end of it all... the only anticipation I should live with is when we all be together again, worshipping our One and Only. A day is like a thousand years... a thousand years, like one day.
I've learned over the past 10 years that the days I anticipate will be the hardest, often aren't. Instead, it's IN that anticipation that I find myself heavy, my thoughts weighted down. I catch myself struggling to exhale; I'm gripped. My eyes are on the verge of overflowing at any given moment and everything around me has a bigger meaning. I can't help it, everything feels connected and I can't escape the deep thoughts-- and seeing all the moments that are interwoven threatens to undo me. Not in bitterness or necessarily in sorrow, but in total AWE and AMAZEMENT for what God has done and continues to do. His faithfulness. His Majesty. In His "even if I do not"s and in His "let it be as you have said"s. When nothing is coincidence and everything is Providence, the simple shift in perspective is so radical. To step back and truly understand that our lives are His joy and his Masterpiece... a mosaic of tiny moments that becomes a massive canvas stretched out across the skies. A canvas unbound by time or "expectations." Using our joy and sorrow, peaks and valleys, dull and daily, to show how He loves us with an everlasting love. A love that would take His own Son to the grave. And a power that would raise Him three days later.
A love that bridges the gap for my Maddox to have entered this world and meet His Jesus in Heaven the very same day.
That SAME love that bridges the gap for my older three with us to have made the decision on their own as invite Jesus to take control of their lives.
And the power of the Only True God ensuring their eternity is sealed in Him.
All of heaven celebrated tonight. And yet Jesus wept with me 10 years ago. He knows my grief, he knows my greatest joy. Always living in anticipation for a glimpse at the BIG mosaic of this life, realizing that our own pictures are so small... Joy and sorrow intermingle. But tonight, without looking forward or looking back, I rest in today. As all of HEAVEN rejoices for one more child who made the choice to come to Christ. My babies hearts' belong to Him... whether they are here with us, or worshipping alongside Him. My babies belong to Jesus; their Rescuer, their Redeemer, their Savior and their Lord. And at the very end of it all... the only anticipation I should live with is when we all be together again, worshipping our One and Only. A day is like a thousand years... a thousand years, like one day.
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