Why do we do what we do?

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about people's nature. Why exactly do we do what we do? Why do we stare at accidents on the side of the road? Why do we look at that lady's children in the store and think "my child would never get away with that?" Why do we put ourselves in vulnerable situations at the risk of our own safety or comfort to help another? Why are we drawn to stories of heartbreak and tragedy at the risk of our own mental state? Is this our most basic humanness at work, or is there something to be learned from all of it... any lessons from God?

This week the story of "April Rose" had me up for half the night when I found out the truth of what was going on and honestly, I laid in bed for hours thinking about what would lead someone down that road. I myself have had several unbecoming, prideful moments this past week as I solo-parented while Dusty was out of town. Quite a few times I amazed myself with my own capabilities and then, literally, the minute the pride made it's way to my brain, the roof of the prideful situation came crashing down and I once again got a taste of humble-pie. I have several friends that have recently announced pregnancies- three of my friends actually, and all three are carrying their third baby. As you can imagine, discussions quickly go to the presumed, or hoped-for sex of the newest blessing growing inside. So then what really got me thinking about all of this, and why we do what we do, was what one of these dear pregnant friends said to me the other day. During conversation she said, "A friend asked me what sex I wanted this baby to be and she said 'and I don't want to hear all that 'healthy baby' junk, just tell me what you really want'..." As my friend and I continued the conversation what do you think happened? Do you think I A) went right along with the conversation without missing a beat and totally understood her rationale for hoping "boy" B) acted fine but was appalled that she would say this to me, someone who really understood what it meant to want a healthy baby C) said "well the sex of the baby would never be quite so important once you experienced leaving a hospital altogether without a baby"?

If you guessed B or C... you'd actually be wrong. The answer is A. Should I be declared a saint? Hardly! Am I crazy? Am I just a big liar? You might think so, but to be honest, I didn't even think of the conversation again until yesterday evening when it came up differently... So why do I bring it up now? Because all of this has me thinking about how we allow others' experiences to influence our own.

For me, the answer to that question is deeper than just "A". It is "A" because this friend has not walked in my shoes. Although she walked right beside me through it all, she has not been where I have been or experienced things the way I have. My apprehension and fears about pregnancy and loss are just that, my own. For good or bad, I've experienced a lot, and have walked through so many other losses with other mothers. My answer is "A" because I want this precious friend to continue on with her blissful thoughts about the future. I want her to know our story, but not own it. God has chosen her for many things, and for His reasons He chose Maddox for us.

But how does my experience of pregnancy and fear and loss play into her expectations for her own child? Does walking that road with us influence her thoughts about her child's safety? I pray not, and truthfully I haven't asked her... but for the most part, isn't that human nature? To watch others experiences and somehow allow them to directly impact our own? So then if that is the case (as I feel it is in my life) how do we as Christians "get in the trenches" with others and yet not allow their experiences to pull us to a place that isn't from God??

I guess ultimately what I'm wondering is... how do you walk through a significant "life-event" with someone (in real life, through the blogworld, through prayer, through a friend-of-a-friend) and not let it alter your joy, your high-expectations, your actions, or your faith? Do you feel it is basic humanness to want to be a part of dramatic events or do you feel God is teaching you valuable lessons through those experiences?

I've thought so much about this blog and what I know is that I would never want anyone to hear of our story and be frightened for the life of their own child. I never want anyone to be so paralyzed by the fear of what has happened to us that it translates into a tangible fear in their own life. So then how do you balance that? How do you all walk this with us, with all of us mamas that have lost babies or experienced near-death situations, and not let it overwhelm you?

For me personally, it has been a camaraderie-thing to walk this with other mothers. To share experiences, to minister to hearts, to talk about frustrations and disappointments and the sense of loss... But for others... do you now feel like yo "know too much"? If I hadn't been in my own shoes, I'm not sure if I would want to share in this... Does this blog, or any blog for that matter, cause you to stumble? Do you compare, learn, reevaluate, laugh, renew, cry? What brings you here? Why do you do what you do?

Thank you, dear friends, for sharing in our life, for your words have supported us as we have stumbled; you have strengthened our faltering knees as you bathed us in prayer! (Job 4:4)