Recommitting

So this blog... it's tripping me up. I honestly come here, every day in fact, planning to write something, anything, and I feel like I have nothing. There are so many things that I want to say. Things about our life, about my kids, about parenting, about Maddox with our Lord, about my frustrations, my pride, my fears, my little joys and triumphs and accomplishments... and yet, it just doesn't happen. I can't really figure out why except that more often than not, lately, I feel like I'm just living day to day.

While doing this day to day thing, I've realized is that there is great joy in living in the moment, simply going from one day to the next. But while in it, I've also come to understand (and used to know in my former me, before mommyism) that it is also CRUCIAL to have goals set forth for future attainment. I love my life. I love being home to care for my family. But, I also want to set my aspirations on something longer-term. Where do we see ourselves at this time next year? Where do we want to be in 5 years? What are our financial goals and what do they look like in the next 10 years? What do we envision our family structure looking like? How can we grow spiritually? What does that growth look like? I told Dusty on our date night last weekend that I'm feeling like I am just keeping my head above water most days. I'm managing things at home, trying to spend quality time with him and the kids, collectively and individually... but somehow I don't feel like it's enough. I'm feeling like I want more... a little more organization, and planning, and follow-through... all on my part.

Sooooo... what am I going to do? I have decided I'm going to be more intentional. Intentional about my time, my day, discipline, cleaning... Yes, no doubt such intent is a LOT more work, but I also know it will be a lot more rewarding. I realized this a few weeks back when I started a new discipline book and it talked about speaking to the HEART of our children. Ahhhh, that's where it is. All in the heart. And being intentional is what speaks to the hearts of others. To the heart of my husband, my children, my friends, my family and quite possibly to one or two of you out there!

So that's it. This is me. Here. Now. I'm committing to being more intentional, starting with documenting our life here. This blog started for one reason, but can continue for many others. Maybe I avoided it for a while, not feeling that anything could compete with the journey we walked in meeting Maddox. Other things I have come here to write have felt cheap, and trivial. Virtually any emotions I tried to express seemed vastly different to those deep and intimate ones I shared with many of you and with the Lord during the sufferings and sorrow of those months leading up to Maddox's arrival, and after his death. HOWEVER, (and this is the kicker!) I have been reminded lately that they don't have to compete. This is our life. Our journey. The ups and downs. Trivial and tremendously important. There is sure to be some serious stuff, and with my kids, there is sure to be some silliness. But it's worth it... for them and for me. So here I am- recommitting to reconnect. I asked the Lord to walk beside me through it all and He has already committed to come. Will you join me??

See, even Faith Clare wants you to come!!

"I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people."- Leviticus 26:12