Happy 1st Birthday

Today is a special day, as you all know... It's Maddox's first birthday! We are celebrating as a family and have decided not to make many big plans so we can spend time remembering our baby boy. We talked to Deacon last night about Maddox and his birthday today and so this afternoon he wants to go get some balloons to send up to Heaven~ absolutely perfect for me! This evening my grandparents, who live in Nebraska and have yet to meet Faith Clare, will be arriving in town and keeping the kids for Dusty and I to have some alone time together. And I can't forget to mention my afternoon massage- a sweet indulgence gifted to me last year by some wonderful college friends! All in all, looking out, the day seems beautifully simple.

I have to tell you, I am absolutely filled with peace today. I have prayed and prayed and prayed these last few days and especially the past 24 hours that the Lord would continue to spread His peace and protection over our hearts today. This day last year is absolutely engraved in my mind and though without a doubt it was the hardest day I've ever known, I would have to say that it is probably the most beautiful. To see the hand of God in such a life-changing, vivid way is beyond compare and something I will always be so grateful for. For that moment of life with Maddox and then for hours holding the most precious piece of Heaven... well... it is something I will carry with me until I see his sweet face again.

I know there will probably be more difficult times today than these very moments... and likely more difficult days than this one that is covered in prayer and flooded with peace... but for right now I am simply marveling at the memory of my baby boy enjoying his first birthday in the presence of his Creator. Oh, how he must be dancing!

My sweet Maddox-

Happy 1st Birthday precious boy! Although you are not physically here with us today, your memory is never far from our minds. You came into this world for such a short time, but you blessed us beyond measure... Oh, to think that a tiny little boy could change so many hearts and cause others to search for the Giver of Life himself is absolutely astounding to me.

Maddox, I could tell you so much about this journey that I have been on, about your new baby sister, about your sweet big brother, about your loving Daddy... I could tell you about each and every memory of my time with you... about how I knew you intimately inside and about that brief moment of life when you made your appearance into our arms... I could tell you so much about your grandparents that love you, about how we still cry at the thought of you not being here, about how your absence has been so strongly felt ... Precious baby, I could tell you those things and a million others, but deep inside I know that all you need to know is that you are so deeply loved. One day, when we are together again, I can share those memories that absolutely flood my heart right now. I bet when we talk, you'll have so much to tell me too. I know that you already have many answers to the questions that my mind still asks... will you share it all with me? Can you tell me of the day you arrived last year? I can't wait to hear how beautiful your homecoming was! I love you son and you will always hold a special place in my heart, just like Deacon and Faith Clare. You are each my children and I thank the Lord daily for the perfect gift of you.

Happy 1st Birthday!

Love eternally,
Mama

"And now thus says the Lord, your Creator, and he who formed you; 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.'"- Isaiah 43:1