I think that if most of us married women are honest, there are some days that we just don't feel the super-close connection that we once did with our husbands. With the distractions of children, homes, jobs, activities, school and the such, the one-on-one time doesn't come as easily and at least in our home, it's more of a veg-time rather than intimate discussions and... well, "connection" on a deeper level. When intimacy fades, even for a short period of time, forms of discontent can worm their way into the marriage and cause stress, frustration and blame. This is otherwise known as the crazy cycle... and it's all downward from there.
We as women need to fight to keep our minds focused on "whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable- if there is anything excellent or praiseworthy- think on such things." (Phil 4:8) We need to be reminded that God does indeed have a plan for us... for our marriages... for our husbands. The grass is not greener on the other side- it just might seem that way because we don't live on the other side!
I love my husband more than anyone on this earth. We are doing life together and I can't imagine a day without him. Thankfully, this article reminded me to keep focused on the sweet, imperfect gift I have in my hubby... just as he has in me.
If you are stuck in any of these thought patterns... you aren't alone because I know so many that have been; but, let this be a reminder to get our thoughts back on track. Let's fiercely protect what God has given us and demonstrate to this world a love for our husbands that is beyond compare.
1. Comparison Shopping
In the grocery aisle, it's a great idea. In the husband department, it's a terrible idea. Constant comparisons of your spouse to other husbands is a dangerous and imprecise game. It's dangerous because it feeds feelings of discontent with what you have, and misleading because you're comparing someone you truly know—warts and all—to someone you know only on the surface. Not sure how to change your thinking?
Check out Dr. Gary Smalley's Greatest Marriage Advice No One Wants to Hear.
2. Buying the Marriage Myth
Marriages in the movies are constant desire and ultimate satisfaction—because they're over in two hours. A real marriage is a partnership for experiencing both the joys and struggles of life. Some days are great, but some days are just downright hard. The world is imperfect, therefore you're spouse and—gasp—you are, too. Don't believe the lie that something is fundamentally wrong because everyday isn't hearts and rainbows.
Read Dr. Gary Oliver's Six Myths About Men to see if you're subjecting your spouse to a standard that's more fantasy than reality.
3. The Soul Mate StandardIn our culture, the idea of a "soul mate" is a popular concept. Soul mate syndrome suggests that there is one, perfect mate out there for each of us, and that if our relationship takes work it must be because we're not with our soul mate. While there are key areas of compatibility that make marriage easier and should be considered before walking down the aisle, there is much that can be done after the "I do's" to make your husband your soul mate..
4. Making it All about You
Nothing kills feelings of romance in a relationship faster than constantly evaluating how you feel, what you want, and whether the current situation is fulfilling to you. In fact excessive focus on your own needs and desires will almost guarantee that they'll never be fully met.
5. Dwelling on the Negative
If you spend lots of time recounting the ways in which your husband falls short, that's all you see when he walks in the door. Take some time when you're not feeling the love to list—yes, really write them down—the things he gets right. Reflect on what it was about him that first lit the fire for you. Odds are those traits are still there. If they're buried under a mountain of real-life conflict, bills and kids, determine to dig them out and enjoy them again.
6. Rebuffing His Attempts at RomanceWhen your husband wants to rekindle the fires of romance and connect with you, don't be so quick to shut him down. He may not get it just right, but you'll both be better off if you acknowledge that he's trying and build on it. Who knows? So ask yourself: am I stoking the fire or dousing it? Check out Dr. Gary Oliver's guide to fostering intimacy in marriage for some pointers.
"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife."- 1 Corinthians 7:3-4