Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Fight or The Fail?

Extended absences. In many cases it's true, "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Being honest, I love coming here every now & then just to reflect. I love seeing where we were and how drastically different we are in 5 years since this blog began. In many ways I feel unrecognizable. I LOVE the work the Lord has done in me and in the life of my family.

Now don't get me wrong. I still struggle with the balance of everything: the precious little people that I love and make me crazy all at the same time, the cleaning, the cooking, the laundry, the shuffling, my "job", supporting my hubby in his endeavors, and even trying to squeeze in a little me time.

As you can see I don't come here to post much anymore... not for a lack of things to say, but more for a lack of time. Which in many ways makes me sad because I know how important documenting these years is... BUT I also know how important LIVING these years is!

I still yearn to be present in each and every day. In every conversation. To be fully engaged with my kids (and I fail). To be fully present for my husband (and I fail). To be a loyal, available friend (and I fail). To be a dependable work partner (and I fail). To be all that the Lord has equipped and enabled me to be (and I still fail).

But what is my focus... the fight or the fail? I am fighting for it. I am fighting for the life I know is possible. I am fighting to make a difference, in my home and outside of it. I am fighting to be bigger IN HIM, to be better IN HIM, to know that with fighting comes failing. And failing keeps me growing. Failing, while it just stinks, is what keeps me fighting. Man... if only everything were easy?! But then I wouldn't be constantly reminded that this is not my home.

I am trying to pass this hard-to-grasp concept on to my children. To show them how to fight for something and someone. To demonstrate that failing is part of this life and part of us becoming more like Jesus. I HATE to see my children fail, to be disappointed, to struggle and fall... But truthfully my fear that they will be entitled, self-righteous, needy and independent of the Lord strikes more fear in my soul. It's in the fighting, not the fail.

God is good and life is good. Keep fighting for your dreams, your inspiration, your family, your cause, for what is close to your heart. He will equip you and in due time He will show you through the failing to reveal the purpose for the fight. He loves you more than anyone could and wants all your dreams to come true... It's in His Word. He promises it.

I'm fighting... and failing... But I'm gonna keep fighting. Success is amazing and gives you a small glimpse of how we know the story ends. But there is joy, peace, purpose & passion in the fight. Only He can stir that in your soul. Fight for it... trust Him... JUMP!

"The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes"- Deuteronomy 1:30
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